Frustration

Another weekend spent working crazily ... that is the good part. The frustrating part is my main computer is completely out of commission and I have work due very soon. I had my mac fixed TWICE and it progressively got worse to the point where it will not even boot up. I filled the Apple customer survey email ... at which point I let them have it for not fixing my machine on the second try. (But I do love that particular store and employees). The machine sat at the top of the stairs for a week waiting for me to have time to make yet another trip there. I was very surprised to get a phone call from the manager of that store today asking about the condition of my computer, apologizing and telling me their store would be closed for a week for remodel. She suggested I take it to another store further away and made me an appointment. D took it there at the appointed time at which point the "genius bar" employee told him that THAT STORE was also closing for a remodel in two days and it would take weeks for me to get it looked at. He also looked at the work order from the last two trips in, the first was as they said, changed power supply and fixed cd drawer ($400=+). But then he revealed that the second time I took it in, they only checked to see if the power cord was plugged in securely. Ok, I might be a tech idiot in many ways --- but don't you think that was one of the first things I checked you A-Holes! My blood was boiling by then. Now I have two big freelance projects to work on and only two old macs ... on which I can't get the new printers to work. One doesn't have the programs I need on it because all of those millions of updated OS either are too updated to read my old software or not updated enough to read my software. Either way, it is going to be a stressful week. When are they all going to realize they make it too F-ing difficult for the average person to deal with. I don't want to be spend all of time being my own tech support ... I guess if I had not bought the used car, the new pc for his birthday gift, the new xbox and the new trombone he needed for jazz band ... I could have that G5 that I lust after everyday. As in all of life, we make decisions about how to funnel our money and this summer I put much of it into his wants and needs ... thinking I could get at least another year's worth out of my computer.

About my (sort of) new cell phone. Why do they keep changing the charging port? Why? Every cell phone we have in this house has a unique charging port .... and I couldn't find an additional charger for the car ... because Sprint didn't have one for their new phone, is that possible? On my one late day at work I run by Radio Shack to find one. Have done this for the last three weeks. Each one they sell me, or order for me does not fit. They finally hit pay dirt today ... and I have a car charger that works ... and they were nothing but helpful ... but my frustration is ... this is time spent driving to and from, standing at the counter while they research this ... my time that I can not get back.

Mom is still away with our friend, Susan, while she recovers from shoulder surgery. The house is in complete disarray. The floors around the washing machine, a foot high in clothes. We are eating out at Taco Bell ... Chinese ... pizza. M looks at me around 7p with that "what's for dinner" look and I have forgotten that we need to eat. And I turn the question back to him and say, yeah, what IS for dinner? We miss you, Mudder.

I wish I could talk about my two projects I am working on. I will say I am having fun. Realized today that I am so accustomed to churning out work at such a fast pace there is little time for the creative thoughtful time for organizing ideas, sketching, planning, researching. It is the same when I am off for a week and dying to do some assemblage art or something and get so frustrated because no ideas come in the first thirty minutes. Then after days of doodling, or cleaning up supplies, or thinking about it ... something comes to mind. It take time from beginning to end ... what I have been missing for some time is the middle part ... the actual creative process. So I have spent days now, drawing, thinking, experimenting. I might not get the jobs but it has been fun.

Today while grocery shopping I witnessed a very disturbing event that I can't get out of my head. Getting out of my car I heard a man yelling while getting in his car. I was trying to see who he was yelling at. I realized it was really angry, almost screaming. I saw a woman in the passenger seat and two kids in the back. This all happened in seconds. I was looking hard into the vehicle trying to make it all out. A little boys face was looking back at me. They drove off and I stood there at the store entrance horrified. Thought of getting his liscense number but what would I tell the 911 operator? I can't get that boys face out of my eyes. How can someone treat another person like that? How can someone scream at a mother in front of their children. I have seen verbal abuse up close and personal growing up. D has never raised his voice at us ... but I can tell you it would only take one time for someone to raise their voice at me or my son and that would be the one and only time.

Must go back to work. I ran outside to get a breath of backyard autumn air before the sun went down. This year is going by too quickly.