The reality of death

I have been spending time in the car driving back and forth to Seattle and have been writing this post in my head for a couple of days now. 

It is a little painful but I was talking to another friend who said she had been thinking about the same thing. Death. At my age, I think about death a lot, not in a morbid sense but the thing of what is to come. And I saw my old place of work from the highway and was thinking about the loss of my job. Then I was insulted by a friend of mine and decided I don't think we can be friends anymore. Another death, death of a long-time friendship. I have experienced lots of death with the ending of my relationships with friends and family in this political climate. The loss, the feeling of loss really took shape in my brain. Death of family, death of spouse, of parents, of careers, of jobs, of friendships. These things just happen at our age, it is inevitable and coming to terms with it is the healthy way to go. 

I  brought this up with another friend who wishes I wouldn't be negative about life but I don't see this as "negative", I see this as acceptance.

Ending a friendship is painful but when you have been shown how that friend really feels about you, you must take action. 

I am not afraid of dying. The kids and I talk about it all the time. I want us all to be prepared for it will happen, if we want it to or not. In the meantime, we have a great life we are living in the here and now. I think us all watching David pass, laying on the grass in the backyard made life and death even that much more real. I lost Pixie not long ago, a 16 year relationship. We all know how painful a death of a beloved pet can be. I held my mom's hand as she passed away here in her bedroom, then Matt and I stood at the end of the bed, crying and saying goodbye. 

And even though these losses are hard, I feel privileged to having been there, being a part of their lives until the end. Mason and Noah talk of David daily as if he was just in the other room. We tell stories and laugh at his expense. We all have great memories and I am glad we share them with each other.

I am also hoping as I end my long-time friendship that I can think of her in the future with love in my heart and remember all the memorable times we spent together. But when someone shows you how they feel, revealing a truth that they had not meant to ...  how can you ever go back?

We are also giving David's old Subaru away to a family member in need of a vehicle. The car has been sitting in the driveway for years. And as much as I hate to see it go, it is really time. 

Matt was cleaning it out and told me that the interior smelled just like David and I should go out and "have a sniff". Matt cleaned out 100's of cash cards, loyalty cards, gift cards, he came in with a huge stack of them. I was thinking how many places that car has taken David and I and Matt over the years. Back and forth to Winthrop to the skate park every weekend. Matt and I going on Oregon trips on the weekends. David and I taking out road trips. It was a very good car for almost 30 years!

On a brigher note, Bri has been faithfully feeding the birds and our yard is the most popular in the entire neighborhood. We have a flock of bushtits that fly in and out, flickers, chickadees. It all makes me happy! And a couple of visiting squirrels that keep the cats at the door window in a riot.

I don't know what this is ... but I love it

Sedjroxx is creating his own fashion magazine. Sign me up!

A cast away

It is so weird to be so passionate about something for 30 plus years, and then in a blink of an eye, you are not.

I am helping my friend with her new book and I can not remember ONE SHORT CUT KEY to anything. It is very frustrating. Something I loved for years, Abobe Illustrator and Indesign just mentally cast aside. I miss them but they don't seem to have meaning to me with an ultimate goal of creating something. Oh, but cast aside just hit me hard when I typed that. I guess I do feel like I too was cast aside in a field that love. And then of course, no one is going to hire an old lady close to retirement years. All bad timing.

Interesting I should type those words that have so much pain for me now.

I keep finding little work files on my computer like this one. I thought I threw them all away. Someday perhaps I will clear it all away.

 

I think more than anything, I am just frustrated with myself for not being proficient at Indesign anymore. 

Magical connection

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Ours was very quiet. Bri, Matt and I decided Christmas will never be the same without David. But we tried! All the holidays seem uneventful, unmemorable the last couple of years. I probably could put more effort into the process. Maybe next year will be different. I received a few Christmas cards and they just made me feel guilty for my complete lack of effort. 

It would also be the hateful state of our country. I think about the years I have fretted over this madman and it makes me crazy. I hope I live long enough to see him GONE FOR GOOD.

With all of that said, I told Bri the other day that we will look back at this time in our lives as being very calm and peaceful. Matt is home, working on the house, cooking dinners. Bri works a part time schedule, her salon is about 10 minutes drive down to Edmonds. NO commuting. The girls are happy and have lots of friends that they hang out with, run around the neighborhood with, they give me little "shows" most of nights of dancing and gymnastics, or do lots of art. And I just hang out with essentially no worries, watching the birds hang from the suet cages, flutter around the yard eating and chatting. Bri has a bird feeder obsession, so we have lots of birds.

I enjoy watching my really silly shows. Occasionally I find a really good movie and feel thankful. I pay bills, do the dishes, keep the kitchen clean, watch TV, watch the weather float by. I feel calm and content and it is a wonderful feeling. I do have some dental work that needs to be addressed but I am trying not to get all agitated about that.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday and New Year! Let's make this on better than the last.

Charlie Moon's work celebrates the beauty and complexity of life by blending specialized techniques with personal stories and experiences. It offers a moment of refuge from the harshness of reality, inviting viewers to focus on the softer, more enchanting sides of existence.

Loving the beetle details.

 

Dreamscapes

My SIL comes in one day! And we are still trying to get the drains fixed. We have been "roughing" it for a couple of days and the house is out of control. But whatever ... is my new motto. The rain and wind have been out of control. Raining today. Predicting high wind again today. 

The entire house smells like a sewer right now, the plumber is here replacing a drainage stack. It is that or the cat shit I just found in my closet!!!! Welcome to bliss. At least we will have a working sink very soon. 

Jonathan W Gemmell is known for his vibrant detailed use of color and dynamic brushwork, creates pieces that blur the line between imagination and impressionism. His Instagram.

Between a dream and reality

I can't even start to understand the complexity of AI. Nor am I completely onboard with what is about to hit our society, world with AI taking over everything. But I did get caught up watching some of these beautiful AI creations and could not turn away.

I saw an AI trump scam today on YouTube selling crypto currency! It was obviously AI but you know they (not trump, someone) is going to scam lots of money from some viewers.  You can tell this was AI by watching his horrible mouth move.

Birds Dancing Between Dream and Reality | Surreal Music & Art, AI Dreams Gallery NeuR. 

 

 Visual Poems | The World in a Van Gogh Painting | A Canvas of Living Color [AI Music Video] by Nox

  

 “Betrayal” – A Surreal Journey Through Strange Beauty (AI Animated) by Kelly Boesch AI Art 

It is Tuesday, cold and raining

When I am cleaning, I always have pithy ideas to post, start writing it in my head. Then I sit down here, at the computer and I am not sure where they have gone!

After watching Sean Combs documentary of shame, I am convinced the he and piggy president are related. It is pretty salacious. He comes off as a complete narcissus who uses and abuses everyone around him ... he has to be on top.

It has been two months since Sean “Diddy” Combs was sentenced to four years in prison as a result of his landmark federal racketeering case. The hip-hop mogul was cleared of the more serious charges of racketeering and sex trafficking, and only found guilty of the lesser charge of transportation to engage in prostitution—a more lenient verdict than some expected, all things considered. But that didn’t stop one of Combs’ longtime rivals, rapper 50 Cent, from going ahead with his previously announced plans to executive produce a documentary chronicling Combs’ alleged misdeeds. Last week, that docuseries—Sean Combs: The Reckoning—arrived on Netflix, where it rocketed to the No. 1 television slot on the platform.

The series aims to cover a lot of ground in four hourlong episodes, going over the recent sexual assault allegations against the entrepreneur (which are still mounting in filed civil suits that currently tally over 70) as well as various prominent questions of his past, like, What, if any, is his alleged involvement in the murder of beloved rapper Tupac? Netflix has certainly promised a number of bombshells in the docuseries detailing Combs’ rise to prominence in the industry—but whether the streaming platform delivers on those promises is another matter. Here’s a breakdown of what to know from Sean Combs: The Reckoning.

I really love the depth of texture of Lindzeanne's handywork! It inspires me to want to create something.

When darkness falls

My brain can only take so much piggy president bullshit until it shuts down. This morning I have watched too much. 

But I admit, I had soooooo much fun yesterday watching piggy president received his participation prize. The entire ceremony is worth watching over and over again! I really hate our country right now. The trump corruption scheme is enriching them beyond belief and the rest of the US watches on, ignores? and goes hungry. 

I am trying to eat a bacon sandwich with Murphy hanging onto my every movement. I am having a hard time biting into the said sandwich. I am having teeth issues. If I do what the dentist says he needs to do, it will be a $40K cost. In the meantime, I have a cap in the front tooth that I have to eat around so I won't pull it out. Of all the old shit one has to put up with, this has been one of my challenging movements. I guess my big question to myself, am I going to be around 40K worth of dental work? I had paid $1,000's of dollars to the dentist and David didn't stay around to enjoy it. 

The girls treated me to a Christmas show this morning with a couple of tunes, one being Grandma go run-over by a reindeer.  

 

And the cats are fascinated by the crows, birds and squirrels feasting in the yard. 

 

Apparently we are having a severe weather warning, lots of rain and wind on the way. All I know is it is cold, although Siri says it is only 50 degrees outside. Dark, rainy, cold calls for blanket and Britbox. 

It gets dark round 3:30p ... Siri says sunset is at 4:30p. By 4:30p or 5p, I have already taken one of my 1mg melatonin (the kid's version) to ready myself for sleep. I usually take one more before I go to sleep. 

People laugh, but I really do get excited when I think of going to sleep around 5pm... What has happened to me? 

The girls knowing how to put something in my Amazon Wish List, really saves me effort in my Christmas shopping! 

The internet never disappoints! They were right on the memes.