We just knew

I stumbled on to this series of videos, Meet Cutes NYC and got sucked into the stories! Of course I started thinking about how I met David and what we would say if stopped on the street. 

How did we meet? David and I were thrown together when we both worked at different newspapers and we had committee meetings every weekend to put on a large newspaper gathering called Society of Newspaper Design in San Francisco. Every time we had a meeting I would asked my boss if David was going to be there and if I could go. One meeting he acted completely uninterested and went back to work and told my boss, he must have a girlfriend, he is not interested in me. David later told me he was so taken with me that he didn't know what to say. We both knew in the first couple of dates that we would be married, it was unspoken but you just knew. I was 35 and he was 36 and I soon got pregnant. We got married, moved to Seattle, bought a house, started new jobs ... and away we went with our new lives within a year of meeting. 

The time flew by quickly with us busy with Matt, little league, work, school, remodeling our home, learning about gardening ... all fun, all consuming. We were together for 33 years.

What did I like most about him? His sincerity, his integrity, his talent, his generosity (that could get him in trouble), that he would do anything for me and I had to be careful what I asked for. All my friends and family loved him. 

He was THE SMARTEST person I ever met. He knew all history, everything about music, art, sports stats. He loved and lived for sports, especially baseball. There was hardly a subject he did not have all the facts and figures in his head. He knew every musical artist, old and young and owned almost every album. We never googled anything with David near.

We could have fun discussions about jazz music, civil war history, world wars and we loved to watch historical documentaries. We both loved Band of Brothers. His favorite movie was The Natural, he cried at the end every time he watched.

What is advice for other couples? My advice is the same as most couples said, compromise. Try not to get angry about every little thing. Don't be jealous. Enjoy every single day because as I know now ... you don't know how many days we have left.

I didn't know anything about collecting fun stuff before I met him. He taught me all about interior decorating and what colors to paint walls. We would spend months picking out favorite colors and hours in Home Depot looking at paint chips! 

I think I was an empty vessel in many ways and he filled me up! He was the one person I would talk to about my obsession with my favorite theme songs and what emotions they drew out of me ... and he understood! Theme songs of all things! We both loved cowboy and indian themed stuff and collected until our hearts content. He loved to shop! I never met a man who could spend more time shopping than he could ... or spend more money.

I forgot all about Christmas. I don't think I thought much about Christmas or Christmas trees and decorations before David. I have never met a person who loved Christmas more, the season of giving. He took gift-giving, wrapping, to a whole new level and we are all having a hard time now with the low-key, cheap, on budget Christmas's that we now have! 

Go watch some, you will become addicted! And if you recall your love story, let me know! 

"What's for dinner?"

I really miss writing my thoughts down! I think them ... but I don't collect them unless I blog. I was reflecting on my statement about being furious which seems incongruous with what I feel about my life ... content and calm. Yes, content and calm right now, with my lifestyle, with my day to day. I sit here in my family room, at beautiful skies, watch the clouds glide by OR, was in the last week, watch rain come pouring down. But it all seems wonderful right outside my window.

The cats lay around, snoring, content in their complete laziness. The dogs are only interested in what food I have on me. The girls come in and out of here, visiting, or telling me a story. The crows fly over. A jetliner is heading someplace exotic. I listen to the birds serenade the neighborhood, wrens, sparrows, junco, house finch, crows. They are all happy because Bri is good about feeding them. The neighborhood kids laughing. 

I mean I am still angry about losing my job, I miss my job ... I really miss being creative and productive but I have almost cut that out of my life. I know it is still hidden there somewhere because I get so tickled and excited when I find myself on Pinterest. My mind starts racing about all sorts of creative ideas. But my heart just isn't quite up for jumping in.

And I am angry with the world. So much so that I don't really want to be around other humans right now. I am angry with men that sit behind trump laughing when he makes some sick, stupid joke about God knows what ... usually at someone's else's expense. I am angry that the entire world isn't as upset as I am about having this fucking criminal sitting in the Oval Office, shitting on our constitution. I want the whole effing world to be as enraged as I am. They probably are ... I am just not talking to them (or anyone).

I know this is not making sense.  

My favorite time of day now is the hour we all start discussing dinner. "What's for dinner?" Someone will throw it out there. Then the discussion starts. My suggestion is always refried bean/cheese quesadillas. And everyone laughs. I could live on refried beans and tortillas. My next suggestion is always, bell pepper, cucumber and humus. More laughter from the group. 

Then everyone gets serious. I start thumbing through my Something Yummy Pinterest board. Matt usually has the winning suggestion. Nothing sounds good to the kids because they are picky little eaters.

I didn't have that luxury growing up ... being a pickly, little eater. I ate what was put in front of me, no questions asked. The same as I do today, I might add, because I am just glad and thankful that someone else has cooked a hot meal for me to enjoy. 

Matt has driven off to the store ... with that question in mind ... "what's for dinner?".  

And I am still pondering my anger question.

And what is on TV tonight? I watched the New The Four Seasons (I loved the original too). Netflix then suggested I would like Friends From College, which I did! Alpha Males (Filmed in Spain, is dubbed). Jo Nesbo's Detective Hole is back on Netflix! ...  And Bri made homemade brownies to eat while watching ;) I bought walnuts to make walnut crescents cookies. 

Cleaning 101 from a toothpick cleaner

I am a toothpick cleaner, always have been. I can live in messy ... but once I start cleaning, I can't stop until it meets my standards.

Having a mother and grandmother who were constantly frying for dinner ... chicken fried steak, fried chicken ... I learned at an early age now to clean a greasy kitchen thoroughly. (I am sure this is one of the reasons I love to eat cucumber, bell pepper and humus!)

My grandmother NEVER deep-cleaned her greasy kitchen and once I started, I could not stop. I mean I would SCRAP the dried, old grease from her Formica back splash.

Having a 'clean' kitchen was a requirement in my childhood home. Thankfully, I really love to clean but more importantly, I love a clean room. The way it makes you feel accomplished when you finish the task. My finishing touch is always a spritz of good smelling room fragrance. 

So the kids fry a lot of meals here and I am compelled to do my "grease" cleanup routine. This means, around the stove top, back splash and side tiles, the vent hood, wash the grates, wash down grease from teapot that sits on the stove top.

So when I say "I did the dishes" ... this is what I am really doing! 

My favorite part of the day is when we start thinking/discussing "what's for dinner". Especially since I never have to cook it ;)

The Camellia is blooming in the neighbors yard, big, luscious, pink flowers. I tried to grow on in our yard a long time ago and it died. I always feel so lucky to have it right there at my eyesight from my desk window.

Bri reminded me the other day, we have a lot of cleanup and pruning to do soon in the yard.

The rain. It rains in one direction for a couple of hours, then in another direction. I am tired of watching raindrops pour down the windows, even more tired of having the wipe down poor Murphy, who comes in soaked. But he loves to be wiped down.

Murphy is such a 200-lb baby. In the middle of the night, he gets lonesome, or sad, or something and I wake up with a huge nose in my face. Him, just standing there, staring at me .... waiting for something? Sometimes he will get up and lay on my legs, which means, you can not move one inch. Or I check his food and water or give him a couple of pretzel/peanut butter treats from Costco. He is such a great, gentle dog with the kids and family members. So intimidating elsewhere. But Murphy is the most sensitive dog I have ever been around.

 I am doing, watching anything to try NOT to pay attention to the madness going on. I think I mentioned I have LOVED watching Turkish Rom Coms! They are almost all dubbed whereas the Spanish Rom Coms or Novellas are subtitled. The Spanish could learn something from the Turks.

On Netflix: Love Tactics, Thank you, Next, Old Money are a few. The women are beautiful (usually all lawyers), the men are fabulous, they are all rich, the plot, silly, even they classify them as "goofy, romantic". But I can not get enough. You can thank me later ;)

PS the trailers are not dubbed but the show is. 

The reality of death

I have been spending time in the car driving back and forth to Seattle and have been writing this post in my head for a couple of days now. 

It is a little painful but I was talking to another friend who said she had been thinking about the same thing. Death. At my age, I think about death a lot, not in a morbid sense but the thing of what is to come. And I saw my old place of work from the highway and was thinking about the loss of my job. Then I was insulted by a friend of mine and decided I don't think we can be friends anymore. Another death, death of a long-time friendship. I have experienced lots of death with the ending of my relationships with friends and family in this political climate. The loss, the feeling of loss really took shape in my brain. Death of family, death of spouse, of parents, of careers, of jobs, of friendships. These things just happen at our age, it is inevitable and coming to terms with it is the healthy way to go. 

I  brought this up with another friend who wishes I wouldn't be negative about life but I don't see this as "negative", I see this as acceptance.

Ending a friendship is painful but when you have been shown how that friend really feels about you, you must take action. 

I am not afraid of dying. The kids and I talk about it all the time. I want us all to be prepared for it will happen, if we want it to or not. In the meantime, we have a great life we are living in the here and now. I think us all watching David pass, laying on the grass in the backyard made life and death even that much more real. I lost Pixie not long ago, a 16 year relationship. We all know how painful a death of a beloved pet can be. I held my mom's hand as she passed away here in her bedroom, then Matt and I stood at the end of the bed, crying and saying goodbye. 

And even though these losses are hard, I feel privileged to having been there, being a part of their lives until the end. Mason and Noah talk of David daily as if he was just in the other room. We tell stories and laugh at his expense. We all have great memories and I am glad we share them with each other.

I am also hoping as I end my long-time friendship that I can think of her in the future with love in my heart and remember all the memorable times we spent together. But when someone shows you how they feel, revealing a truth that they had not meant to ...  how can you ever go back?

We are also giving David's old Subaru away to a family member in need of a vehicle. The car has been sitting in the driveway for years. And as much as I hate to see it go, it is really time. 

Matt was cleaning it out and told me that the interior smelled just like David and I should go out and "have a sniff". Matt cleaned out 100's of cash cards, loyalty cards, gift cards, he came in with a huge stack of them. I was thinking how many places that car has taken David and I and Matt over the years. Back and forth to Winthrop to the skate park every weekend. Matt and I going on Oregon trips on the weekends. David and I taking out road trips. It was a very good car for almost 30 years!

On a brigher note, Bri has been faithfully feeding the birds and our yard is the most popular in the entire neighborhood. We have a flock of bushtits that fly in and out, flickers, chickadees. It all makes me happy! And a couple of visiting squirrels that keep the cats at the door window in a riot.

A cast away

It is so weird to be so passionate about something for 30 plus years, and then in a blink of an eye, you are not.

I am helping my friend with her new book and I can not remember ONE SHORT CUT KEY to anything. It is very frustrating. Something I loved for years, Abobe Illustrator and Indesign just mentally cast aside. I miss them but they don't seem to have meaning to me with an ultimate goal of creating something. Oh, but cast aside just hit me hard when I typed that. I guess I do feel like I too was cast aside in a field that love. And then of course, no one is going to hire an old lady close to retirement years. All bad timing.

Interesting I should type those words that have so much pain for me now.

I keep finding little work files on my computer like this one. I thought I threw them all away. Someday perhaps I will clear it all away.

 

I think more than anything, I am just frustrated with myself for not being proficient at Indesign anymore. 

Magical connection

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Ours was very quiet. Bri, Matt and I decided Christmas will never be the same without David. But we tried! All the holidays seem uneventful, unmemorable the last couple of years. I probably could put more effort into the process. Maybe next year will be different. I received a few Christmas cards and they just made me feel guilty for my complete lack of effort. 

It would also be the hateful state of our country. I think about the years I have fretted over this madman and it makes me crazy. I hope I live long enough to see him GONE FOR GOOD.

With all of that said, I told Bri the other day that we will look back at this time in our lives as being very calm and peaceful. Matt is home, working on the house, cooking dinners. Bri works a part time schedule, her salon is about 10 minutes drive down to Edmonds. NO commuting. The girls are happy and have lots of friends that they hang out with, run around the neighborhood with, they give me little "shows" most of nights of dancing and gymnastics, or do lots of art. And I just hang out with essentially no worries, watching the birds hang from the suet cages, flutter around the yard eating and chatting. Bri has a bird feeder obsession, so we have lots of birds.

I enjoy watching my really silly shows. Occasionally I find a really good movie and feel thankful. I pay bills, do the dishes, keep the kitchen clean, watch TV, watch the weather float by. I feel calm and content and it is a wonderful feeling. I do have some dental work that needs to be addressed but I am trying not to get all agitated about that.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday and New Year! Let's make this on better than the last.

Charlie Moon's work celebrates the beauty and complexity of life by blending specialized techniques with personal stories and experiences. It offers a moment of refuge from the harshness of reality, inviting viewers to focus on the softer, more enchanting sides of existence.

Loving the beetle details.

 

Dreamscapes

My SIL comes in one day! And we are still trying to get the drains fixed. We have been "roughing" it for a couple of days and the house is out of control. But whatever ... is my new motto. The rain and wind have been out of control. Raining today. Predicting high wind again today. 

The entire house smells like a sewer right now, the plumber is here replacing a drainage stack. It is that or the cat shit I just found in my closet!!!! Welcome to bliss. At least we will have a working sink very soon. 

Jonathan W Gemmell is known for his vibrant detailed use of color and dynamic brushwork, creates pieces that blur the line between imagination and impressionism. His Instagram.

When darkness falls

My brain can only take so much piggy president bullshit until it shuts down. This morning I have watched too much. 

But I admit, I had soooooo much fun yesterday watching piggy president received his participation prize. The entire ceremony is worth watching over and over again! I really hate our country right now. The trump corruption scheme is enriching them beyond belief and the rest of the US watches on, ignores? and goes hungry. 

I am trying to eat a bacon sandwich with Murphy hanging onto my every movement. I am having a hard time biting into the said sandwich. I am having teeth issues. If I do what the dentist says he needs to do, it will be a $40K cost. In the meantime, I have a cap in the front tooth that I have to eat around so I won't pull it out. Of all the old shit one has to put up with, this has been one of my challenging movements. I guess my big question to myself, am I going to be around 40K worth of dental work? I had paid $1,000's of dollars to the dentist and David didn't stay around to enjoy it. 

The girls treated me to a Christmas show this morning with a couple of tunes, one being Grandma go run-over by a reindeer.  

 

And the cats are fascinated by the crows, birds and squirrels feasting in the yard. 

 

Apparently we are having a severe weather warning, lots of rain and wind on the way. All I know is it is cold, although Siri says it is only 50 degrees outside. Dark, rainy, cold calls for blanket and Britbox. 

It gets dark round 3:30p ... Siri says sunset is at 4:30p. By 4:30p or 5p, I have already taken one of my 1mg melatonin (the kid's version) to ready myself for sleep. I usually take one more before I go to sleep. 

People laugh, but I really do get excited when I think of going to sleep around 5pm... What has happened to me? 

The girls knowing how to put something in my Amazon Wish List, really saves me effort in my Christmas shopping! 

The internet never disappoints! They were right on the memes.

A new cat, a new color

I forget, because I hardly leave the house, that it is indeed a new color!

I saw this ad the other day, the same color as we painted the house.

 

I have been cleaning out my photos. The girls have taken 100's of photos and videos of themselves. But here a few documenting our lives.

The cats love Murphy and he loves them. And this is the newest cat Bri snuck into the house.

My anger is red hot

Orbital sanders, in tandem, are outside my house. It feels like we are being attacked by large mosquitoes banging on the walls. They have pressured washed, now sanding and filling preparing to paint. I think the sanders will be going off for awhile. 

Last night the kids went to play golf and I stayed behind with the grandkids. Mason was watching a movie with her friend (connected online) and made herself a "snack tray" with nuts, chocolate, cheestos, crackers ... an assortment to stuff. Then Noah decided she wanted a snack tray so she made hers and wanted me to watch DANCING WITH THE STARS. I have not watched that in years but Noah was to excited to share her experience ... how could I say no. 

The show was so much worse than I remember! Cheesy, big white veneered smiles, the irritating personalities. Not a sincere moment. Fortunately Noah was dancing in front of the TV so I didn’t have to watch too much. Mostly watching Noah, clapping for her performance. And I voted for Noah to win! David and I would watch the kids dance in front of the TV to some songs ... it felt like the good ole days.

My head, my heart hurts with all that is going on. I wish I could turn off my 'caring' button but I can't. 

I went down the rabbit hole of hate this morning, following some Christian goofball that had made a comment on a post. I inspected his facebook, his friends, his wives ... all good, God loving Christians, full of love for Trump and hate for everyone else. 

Making kirk a martyr. THE VICE PRESIDENT taking over a kirk podcast to spew hate and shit. I read through this stuff in the morning and feel so helpless and alone. Then the kids gather for lunch and we have a quick discussion about the morning's events and I feel a little better, less alone. At least I know there is a little balanced sanity, if only in my kitchen, with the kids.

 

 

I went to sleep watching Hallmark movie and woke up this morning with a Hallmark movie featuring a gay couple getting married!

 

My anger is red hot right now. Mainly at my banned friends and family that I will forever hold responsible for giving our democracy away to narcissistic child who loves gold and money above all else. People, friends that while growing up, in school together, I would have thought would scream just as loud as me at the ridiculousness of donald dump, but instead ignore, accept or worse just go along with whatever he is saying to appease family members. Or worse, they actually believe what he is saying. I will never understand what is going on now. I don't want to understand it. My heart breaks for our country.

Screaming tweens

I have recorded Noah going off on a screaming tangent many times. She can hit top noise levels in a matter of seconds. It can be she and Mason fighting, or she doesn't like what has been made for her for dinner, or that we have run out of ice cream. But at its' peak I am sure the neighbors are going to call Child Services on us. Which is why I worry about the house being sold next door. I hope we get a family with screaming tweens about to start their periods, or toddlers who lost a their iPad privilege. I truly feel for anyone moving next door. 

I just sent my investment company another "worried old lady" email. I do this on occasion when my nerves can't take the "tanking economy" news anymore. And today was one of those days. We are getting the house painted in a couple of days and Matt is trying to replace a few of the wood siding that are completely rotting. I know these are expensive because I have called about replacing them before. The house is over 50 years old so it is the old growth cedar siding. Anyhoo, I always get nervous spending money since I am not making any money. Oh, the cost of painting my big box house, $9,000. It was $7,000 estimate a couple of years ago. Ouch.

The kids are in school right now, so besides Matt hammering on the side of the house, it is quiet. I hear a cat purring on top of my box of paperwork I need to go through and  destroy. I have no idea why this cat always loves sleeping on top of my paperwork, but that is where you can find him.

None of the cats are that close to me, which is weird. I was always a safe haven for sleeping cats. But they are not my pets. Murphy and Remy like me because I feed them but I am not their chosen human. 

Pixie was my last friend who liked to sleep with me. In the past I would have all the small dogs, wrapped around my legs, under the blankets with me. It feels weird to now sleep alone.

I was telling my friend yesterday, although I have my kids here, without Pixie with me I feel very alone. I think it is because she was my last touch stone to David, my mom and all the other dogs. I keep thinking I see her walking around the house, just catch a glimpse of her and then I realize ... 

 Joel Escalona clean, cool, wooden shapes makes me happy. I made a wooden sculpture in college with very similar feeling. It was walnut, big warped tear with a rock sitting inside of it. I can't remember where that even went. I wish now I had continued working in wood sculptures because even back then, it made me very happy. His Instagram.

 

For the love of junk

Matt has been preparing the outside of the house for a new paint job. Today the painting crew is here to power wash. What a nasty job. 

I told them to pick the color they wanted for the exterior. I mean, they will be leaving with it longer than me? They picked a nice neutral dark green, very close to what we have now. It is not that I don't care but I think it is time for them to start making these decisions. 

It is not like I am getting ready to leave this earth, but more like I am slowly handing over the keys to this house as they transition into taking over. It feels comfortable and we are all not far off from what we want for improvements. Does it feel weird? Not to me. 

It has been a hard week. I finally made the decision to let Pixie go. She wasn't suffering physically but having a hard time eating sometimes, and just walking around in circles. Completely blind. Dementia seems to have taken over. My heart is broken but as I have in the past because I selfishly couldn't let go, I did not want to wait too long. Anyway, I have not spoken about it to anyone. I just can't talk about it. She was with us for 17 years. 

 

I am so angry with this country I could spit nails. As long as 30+% of Americans believe that trump is king, this country is not going to change. We are going to be stuck with this crap and suffer in the long run. Watched JFK Jr. take a wrecking ball to CDC the other day. After a week plus of calling around, I finally found a Covid booster at our local senior citizens. Have an appt. soon. This country is cooked! 

I feel isolated in my despair and anger, but I know you guys are out there in anguish. And I not alone. 

The JunkGirls was born out of Art Therapy for Jenny, and Melissa’s love for all things handmade. We focus on creating Art, Lighting, Furniture, Jewelry and Home Décor and we strive to create everything using recycled, repurposed, vintage, antique and found items from the USA. We have a passion for giving found, vintage & forgotten objects a new life & purpose. Their Instagram page.