Saturday, October 06, 2007

Front And Center At Computer

I sat at this computer all day, working. Trying to conjure up some logos for a startup that I can't discuss. I thought I had a few good ones, after about 50+ tries during the day. It was a good, quiet day of working, thinking. I like that. I wish had the idea that I just said, oh yeah, that is the one. But maybe that one will come tomorrow.

I cleaned out some of my email at 7 a.m. this morning. I should apologize for all the email I have not answered in months. And I think I know one of the reasons. I switched my email link on my blog ages ago to my account ... and all my email addresses are stored on my hotmail account (can't figure out how to export addresses from hotmail ... anyone know how to do that, please let me know). So I keep the mail thinking ... I will go look up that email and write her back. Hence, the 2,000 or so emails I have piled up there waiting for attention.

I also tried to come up with a couple of characters for illustrations for consideration for a book. (Another project I can't discuss). This one is a little tougher since I haven't really been illustrating lately. So I doodled frantically and realized I need to relax and have fun. Will continue my work on that tomorrow, in a relaxed, no-pressure mode ;)

M passed his last driving test with 9/11 driving school. And he has been lost in Halo 3 land since he got the new XBox ... off tonight for a big Halo party ... we are raising a little sniper ... aren't you proud, grandma?

The dogs are confused because mom is gone away to stay with a friend who is having shoulder surgery. They roam around looking for her to feed them (so do we).

D is doing laundry and enjoying a day of non-stop football on in the background. He has been getting up early every morning for an enjoyable physical therapy session for his recent shoulder surgery. I am sure that is better than a cup of coffee and he says it is much worse than the surgery.

And in between working, feeding the dogs, letting the cable repairman in ... I shot a couple of hydrangeas in RAW. I have a new ibook for work that has PS3 loaded on it which reads a RAW file. Didn't really have time to completely investigate it, but did open and save a few files out. That is very cool. I can see why everyone is so thrilled with it. I want to have a hydrangea set of postcards printed ... might just do that tonight!

It is cold, windy, rainy. Wind is rushing through our new french doors and gives the feeling of being much colder than it actually is. It is blustery enough that my precious Scooter does not want to venture downstairs ... he is very fragile. I carry him up and down the stairs in weather like this.

Have been thinking about being depressed and even fell asleep last night during a program on PBS about depression. I do not want to be the person I am right now. I find it hard to have conversations with people because I feel so down? useless? unimportant? I think having a couple of days of complete silence in front of this computer might help. Down time. Thinking time. Alone time. Our counselor (family counselor, who comes to our house to help us communicate with M better and make sure he stays on track with homework) says I should only be taking my "happy pills" to get me "up" enough to figure out what is really wrong. And then get off. I am telling him I think I should UP my dose. So we are not on the same page. I agree with him that my depression is a function of anger and frustration but even thinking or talking about it brings me to tears and makes me tired. Hence, I don't think or talk about it. I function. But lately, functioning without tears has become more and more difficult. I swear sometimes at work, I think my head is going to explode and I will have to go around picking bits and pieces of my brain off of fellow workers and keyboard. I am giving all of this thought as I sit here trying to design a logo and illustrate some happy flowers.

Here are a few of the hydrangeas I shot today. Besides, how could anyone think about being depressed after seeing these through their lens?

blue and green


red and green


La Tea Dah said...

Lovely photography --- very beautiful.


Judy said...

Kim,these are stunning photo's.You bravely went where no Judy dared go before : RAW.

dee said...

your photos of hydrangias always make me smile. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. I know what you're feeling and finding a happy place is not easy. Hang in there Dear.

Shelley Noble said...

Great report, Kim. Fantastic floral potos as you are prone to do!

Sorry to hear about the depression bout. Expressing that it's going on right now like you've done has gotto be healthy I imagine. Better than keeping it bottled up and unsaid.

Maybe saying it will put it on the table for a creative answer to appear.

Thinking about and wanting the best for you.

Kim Carney said...

thanks guys .. I all ready feel better ;)

Angela said...

I absolutely love the flower photos, they almost look iridescent! Hope both you and D are recovering from your respective ailments and that your family is happy and healthy once again. Lots of love!

Anonymous said...

Everybody knows I'm proud of Matt - but what, forsooth, is a "sniper".

Deborah said...

Stunning pictures. (As usual.) I'm sorry you're down. Is it possible you need a new couselor? Or maybe one just for you in addition to your family guy? Keep blogging.

wilsonian said...

Please, please do make postcards. For sale. Because I've wanted to buy some for a very long time now.

um... please? :)

Shelly said...

Gorgeous shot Kim!

Sorry to hear about your rough time. You have been in my thought lately and I have been wondering how you are. I wish you the best and hop that life is better soon.

s'mee said...

You, dear friend Kim, are such an inspiration to me. Check your stats, I come here, like 4 times a day "just in case". I admire your work. I would love *you* as a friend.

I am sad that you are depressed. I can understand that. But take the meds, keep talking, check out once in a while, and know that you mean the world to an imaginary person on the internet.

Seriously, I send you a warm heart.
If you ever want to vent, write the s'mee mail and I will send you my cell#.