I picked up David's ashes yesterday then came home to a rain storm, wrapped myself into a blanket on the sofa and fell into a delightful series about a widower writer who moves his two teenage kids to a out-of-the-way town in New Zealand. Show full of fun, quirky characters. A series on Acorn called 800 Words. Haven't really moved off the sofa except to eat and feed Pixie. Self care. The rain has washed the smoke away.
The kids were meant to come over today but they have shown up and I am glad they didn't. I am really enjoying my couch potato stage of grief.
Monday will become busy again since I have the official death certificate to send off the banks, and insurance companies. Still paying off BIG medical bills pouring in from the last month David having minor day surgeries and dental.
I cleaned off the dining room table of flowers and plants to make room to organize all of my "things to do" in piles. Thank yous, bids for memorial service and catering, insurance, lawyers, you get the picture. At present they are in piles on the floor around my feet near my computer. I have decided this is a disaster.
Got my 3rd booster the other day. Which is another reason I thought I was feeling so tired and "went to my sofa". Besides grief that is.
The kids and I have been using a very, very generous gift from David's coworker of Door Dash coupons. I didn't really know what Door Dash was. But I have used it and feel very grateful of the gift.
Received a large envelope from SightLife with a letter and condolence AND a big thank you for the corneal donation from David which was used in two transplants. With a certificate of appreciation. I was going to wait and open it with the kids to read but so glad I read it first as I broke into uncontrollable crying fit. These crying spells feel good. It is a relief to get my pain out and yell or cry by myself.
Okay, I am heading back to my sofa.
2 comments:
I am reminded of the days that bled into a week after my dad died. I think I wore the same clothes for the entire time.
the handyman helper softly encouraged me to consider taking a shower. He was a lovely soul. I took a shower that lasted until the hot water ran out. I'm not sure I remembered to comb my hair. No one said anything.
I also picked up and brought home ashes. You will survive this.........you won't believe me-- but you will.
Thank you Joanne! I feel pretty resilient right now, but the sense of loss seems overwhelming and the quiet is deafening
I think just giving myself permission to just do anything that seems good at the moment is working ;)
(PS. I am talking to myself a lot these days)
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