Maybe because it feels like all I have done for the last 6 months is rifle through belongings and take it someplace, throw it away, give it away, make those decisions, feel like I am intruding on David and mom's stuff.
Yesterday was a hard day for me. And added to stress was the kids were not getting along either. We rented a U-Haul and sorted through the storage unit. A big load to Goodwill, a big load to the dump. Then we were left with a few boxes I want to go through and the furniture. Furniture that my mom has had forever, stuff that I had been saving for my brother for the day he got his shit together. Furniture and crap I have paid a fortune to hold onto. Maybe the frustrations is the anger I feel at myself. Or some anger I have for David for insisting we keep most of that stuff.
My usual reply was - "if we take it to the storage unit, we will never see it again, so we might as well get rid of it now". But that never seemed to happen. When we could not make a decision, off to the storage unit it would go. Then the kids started using it for extra baby/kid stuff, Christmas stuff, stuff that would not fit in the house but was saved for a new house. I was worried about spending the money on a truck to haul it off but I thought, if it is less than $720, then it is a bargain. Because my rent went from $500 (which was ridiculous) to $720 in ONE month. Of course, I have questioned them and complained, with no results. But I am going to write the newspaper about this little scam. I have no idea what is going on with Public Storage, but they are screwing over their loyal customers.
Between my frustration, confusion, anger. I am sure the kids picked up on and then they were angry/frustrated with me and each other. I just wanted to come home and have a nice good cry.
I am dreaming of the day that I am not going through a drawer, a closet, a storage unit, the garage, trying to decide what to keep and what to sell and what to return if I can find the receipt or what to throw away. I am mentally exhausted and I WANT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH MY DAY.
Mind you, I still have the entire studio to go through which is sky high in art SHIT. Mostly stuff that came from David's work. All kinds of new storage for all of his airbrushing equipment. All the art we produced for the magazine that he did not want to throw away. I keep thinking, I will tackle that later. But if I ever want to do art again ... that is the next priority.
Decided yesterday I will find an art class, or High School, or individual artist, or maybe Edmond's Community College that might want the vast amount of air brush equipment, paints, etc. I will ever use it and someone should before it all dries up.
So today, we are going to haul most of the furniture to Goodwill or someplace like that. That was not what I thought I would do with it but I am at a loss and this seems to be the quickest solution. I just hope that we can get along today, with no tears or raised voices.
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