Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Un-Hinged Over

This little rant has been brewing in my head for sometime.

In an effort to see “what was out there” when my girlfriends tell me they were meeting someone from (or others), I searched 100’s of profiles (I mean 100’s) and only landed on a few that I thought were even remotely good enough “catches” for my friends. The usual responses from these bare-chested, motor-cycled riding macho men were “I am looking for someone younger, in fit shape, someone to drink wine with on a sunlit beach, hold hands as we walk into the sunset". Excuse me pal, YOU are 55+! Yuck. Would a 30-40 year old women really be interested in YOU? Here are my basic beef with the beef cakes I have spotted in the 50-60-year-old range – HIMSELF on a motorcycle, climbing a mountain, shirtless (undoubtedly so we can be completely turned on by his body), with his big furry pet, with another woman, on his sailboat … you get where I am goin' here. Oh, Please. I went home and told D that if these guys really want to attract a woman and look sexy they should photograph themselves cleaning a toilet, loading a dishwasher or folding some clothes. Now, THAT would get the responses pouring in. I heard Dr. Phil telling me this morning on a radio ad that the perfect match was on and HE could help me find him/her. Really?, can my friends call you at home to discuss this hyped-up ad campaign for False advertising.

I signed my mom up with one of those dating services years ago, unbeknownst to her. A few inquiries came in and she met up with a few. Most of them had never read a book and did not know how to use the spell check feature in their Outlook. The rest were sexual perverts (and had still never read a book), mom said “no thanks” to both. I have had a few close encounters of the personal-ad-kind when I was single. Every time, I could not get away from that person fast enough to get home and shower the ‘eeewwww’ off. One guy told me on the phone that if I did not look like Heather Locklear not to bother, and I didn’t. I think he said he wanted a "show piece", "show pony"? Fortunately, I can't remember any details from the rest, probably some psychological feature of the brain to help remove unpleasant blind-dates from the memory bank.

My wonderful friends get nothing but grief or the silent treatment from men from these sites. Men they don’t know them, that have no right to give anyone grief about weight, height, being a single mom, when was the last time they had sex, how much sex do they like to have. Yes, this is the kind of scrutiny going on when you "wink" at someone that interest you, or email someone. I look at my wonderful, capable, self-supporting, artistic, loving, beautiful friends and think, there is not an asshole on any dating service that is worthy of you!

So I asked the single mature men friends at work what their dating requirements are and most of them said they wanted to date someone 10-15 years younger than themselves, and one is dating a very young woman. So my question is -- does that mean the 60-70 year-old-men want to date someone younger, and that is where the 50-year-old-women find their matches? Oh, the dating world seems very confusing and depressing and I fear that I would not bother with it at all.

A post script, my wittiest friend has been dating steadily from personal ads for over a year, some not-so-stable, some very stable. I begged her to write a story about her experiences and what he had learned in the process. The other day at our luncheon she announced that she ran off and married and was very happy. The End


meggiecat said...

Great essay! LOL!! Let's look forward to an appealing future for these younger women. These 60+ geezers with their supply of little blue pills get to see eye candy bodies but what does the younger woman get to see? Also the prospect of getting to care for a sick old man and facing early widowhood sounds great doesn't it? It happened to my mother. Her good retirement years were spent as a nurse and it wasn't a happy deal at all.
Nora Ephron has written a series of essays about women and aging called I Feel Bad About My Neck. Me too, but not enough to do anything about it!

tararossstudios said...

Beautifully said.

Kim Carney said...

ha! meggiecat, I did not even think of that aspect. And I wonder if the magic little blue pill has changed the scoop of the dating game. Hmmm, something to think about. Tara, I was hoping you would like this ;)

paula said...

Since my mom passed away 2 years ago, my 86 year old father has a new girlfriend in his life. She's in her mid-late 50's--closer to my age! I don't get it personally, but perhaps it's the way it's always been. Men want young(er) women for all their reasons, and women...Well, many want security. I don't know, Kim. If I ever become single again, I won't remarry. I'll work on cultivating a good network of friends, both men and women. I'm glad your friend had a happy ending!

s'mee said...

I have counceled my children since well before dating age that I would prefer them to die old and alone rather than to spend life living with the wrong person. This meant that they too would need to become a person worthy of life long companionship. This meant picking up a book now and then, developing a personality, being a whole package. Being content with themself rather than hoping someone would "complete them".

I am amazed at both genders who think they deserve more than they are willing to offer. I am also disappointed when I see anyone "settle" because they fear being alone.

Young hot babes for the old geezers - to me, is the age old 'money for sex' routine.

In the end we get what we pay for.