Monday, July 30, 2007


I am tagged. I wonder sometimes if I have anything else to share that won't seem shallow, or depressing or too much self-asbortion.

Rules: 1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts. 2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.

1. A Nail Biter. Since my schedule has changed, I have begun biting my fingernails again. I have 4 left that aren't chewed. Two hurt from having exposed tender skin where a nice nail onced resided. I am feeling weary and stressed and I am taking it out on my hands. I am so embarassed by them. I need to wrap tape on them now when I am home or in the car to stop that nasty habit again.

2. Robotic. My life feels like a series of dull, repeating events. Getting in my car to drive to work, listening to the traffic report and news, meetings, emails, illustrations in an hour, task, imax aps, eating lunch (since I am no required to work 9 hour days to accomodate an hour lunch which I have never taken before) and getting back in my car to drive home. Reminding myself that I am thankful to have a good-paying job that once allowed working moms flex-hours and that they might once again have the insight to do that again (soon). On the bright side, I have Harry Potter on cd to listen to.

3. List Maker. I make list while eating my lunch over my keyboard, while riding the elevator, while waiting for the coffee to brew in our fancy Starbucks auto brewer. I make list about what I should be doing with my life. I make list of the things I WANT to be doing with my life. I make list of things I need to do when I get home, items that need to be attended to do around the house, of people I need to write, gifts I need to buy, art I want to do. And immediately forget the list are floating around in my briefcase when I arrive home.

4. Overwhelmed. Home feels noisy, no room to think, no time to do art. The house itself seems to be collapsing onto itself with all the "stuff" in corners. I have not cleaned my bathroom since I started my new schedule, so it is dusty, dirty, the counters full of beauty bottles, potions, magazines, stuff. The toilet is surrounded in dog hair and the tub is backing up (and in bad need of scrubbing). There is an ironing board set up in the bedroom and has been there for months now ... stacked with clothes that need pressing. I am now down to not one pressed shirt to wear. I have never had an ironing board set up in one room for this long length of time. It has almost become part of the decor, as are the stack of clothes on the chair.

5. Sturdy Nerves. My wonderful son has his permit now so everytime I get into the car to go somewhere, there is voice asking me if he can drive me there. My son is a Virgo and certainly lives up to his astrological sign when it comes to driving (or anything important). He is not a risk-taker. He thinks everything through. So I am not afraid when he is behind the wheel, but I do find myself slamming my break foot into the floorboard when we approach a stop sign. I hear myself saying "okay, apply your brake", "it is time to slow down more", "ok, really need to slow down more" ... and then trying not to scream and scare him into pushing the wrong pedal "STOP!". He is doing really well ... I am just not looking forward to our first trip on the highway.

6. Mystery! I got really angry this week when I had an engagement that took my away on Sunday, making me miss "60 Minutes" AND a new Miss Marple that I had never seen before. I think I am getting too old to leave my house. I love the new "Miss Marple" series. I don't find too many shows that I want to watch on television. I have also been a Mystery! person.

7. Fear And Feeling Small. The news business is really getting to me. The fact that we will spend an enormous amount of pixels and bandwidth on the likes of Britney, Lindsay and Paris is confusing me more and more. They get "hits". Audience "google" them. They are news? I could care less if they are in jail, doing drugs, pregnant. It is beyond my comprehension that people want to spend time reading about them. I am scared shitless about global warming, what happens when we run out of potable water, kids starving in Africa, people getting massacred in Dharfur. I am disgusted with the blatant dishonesty and greed happening in our government and country and I feel too small. too busy, too overwhelmed with my own tedious life to do anything about these very big stories.

8. If I Were A Rich Man. I often fantasize about winning the lottery driving to work. By the time I get to work, I have the an entire plan worked up in my head about how I will 1. hire an accountant 2. divide the money up between family, friends and charities 3. the house I will build in some remote, very remote place, large enough to house all family members. But in my head-scheming ... I always keep my house that I have now. I love my house and I think she loves me. My son has lived here his entire life. I conjure up little tweaks I would make with my winnings, but my house is definitely staying in my list of assets when I win the lottery. ;)

bonus. Who Am I, Really? I think about this a lot lately. I need to be spending my down time learning CSS and watching classes. I need to be illustrating more, experimenting more with styles, learning HOW to illustrate again since I do it so rarely at work. I want to be doing assemblage art. I have an entire 1/3 of my garage filled to the brim with materials to do such art. I need to rebuild my website that sits out there in cyberspace, empty. I want to paint a portrait of my son. I want to make a quilt or two. I know I am too scattered. I think sometimes it would be easier if I gave up my art pursuits but then, who would I be? I would have more time but would my soul suffer? How to do all the things I need to be doing.

And I will tagged Rita, Erica, Angela, Erin, Lilbit, Sherry, Jared and Michelle


phlegmfatale said...

Freakiest thing is that you JUST tagged me in the last few minutes, and I was just thinking of you. Remember that time - oh, 20 years ago? - when you brought home the video of The Seventh Seal and I happened to check out the The Seventh Sign the exact same night and bring it over to watch on OUR vcr??? It was an Ingmar Bergman film, odd, sorta haunting B&W 1957. Cool. Anyway, when I heard he'd died today, I thought of that night, and what a funny coincidence. I'll respond to your tag later. Love ya!

Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

#4 cracked me up...

...hmmm....gotta start thinking about my 8...

Tara Ross Studios said...

all I can say is "Wow", what great insights into you and thank you for sharing. I have a hard time writing about myself,,, my list would be only 2-3 words for each item..... maybe I'm jsut too busy to think...

Well put,,,,, I hope we both win the lottery then that will solve most of the things on the lsit.

Tara Ross Studios said...

p.s. I wish I could spell! Ha!

Shelley Noble said...

Way to rock the honesty, Kim. I'm sending you a wish for clarity and calm connection, for the highest good as I put it.

You've got support out here.

Mrs. Mom said...

Your #4 reminds me of my home not-so-sweet home. My boys and I have been working together this week to climb out of our hole. We've been sorting, flinging, scrubbing, painting, and I even brought out the iron to tackle a few of the wrinkles.

Yours is a great list of 8 things, very honest. I'll attempt to make a list now... thanks for the tag.

shash said...

hey there,
your list made me tired kim. ;-) but it's good too! did you notice you wrote 10 things? (3 and 4 twice) lucky us. sorry about your brother. that is rough. must be especially hard to decide how to handle that as a mom. i'm glad you want to keep your house when you're a zillionare; it always looks so cozy and beautiful in pictures.

Kim Carney said...

shash! that is sooo funny. No wonder it felt like I was writing alot! I guess I wouldnt have to write so many unpleasant secrets if I could learn to count! ;)

wilsonian said...

I finally got
my act together :)

thank you!!