Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My Life Halted

Remember Diana Ross portraying Billie Holiday with chic sunglasses and scarf draped around her head, reclining in lounge chair, her legs covered in blanket, green expanse of hospital lawn stretched out to the camera?

I have always remembered these scenes from movies. Always thought it looked good, but boring. Weren’t they bored just sitting there having their nervous breakdown or medical threat?

Today I had my own version of that scene, albeit, dirty pajama bottoms with a mismatched soup-stained T-shirt. Gingerly, I made my way downstairs. Visit fall hydrangeas, plump, ripe grapes make the backyard smell like grape jelly. See a few potted plants that need to be planted.

Pulled up a reclining lawn chair to greet a shy September afternoon sun. (I take note of how different the September sunlight is). Eyes closed, listening to birds, exploring patterns on fabric on chair cushion, watching flies, catch a cloud skipping across the sky, hearing cars full of parents rushing home to cook dinner, take kids to practice. Just sit there. With nothing particular in my head except to soak up a couple of minutes of sunlight. A nap here, a spot of peppermint tea there, a movie, sleep, trying to remember medications, showers, fevers.


It feels queer to have a your life halted. I have never really experienced this before. Tonsils out at 5, birth of my son, age 36. That was hardly a night at the hospital then we were off to be parents. I have a terrible eye injury once and my way to will myself not to be hurt or sick was to run home from the hospital and mow the yard with 60 stitches in my face.

I have lost track of time. I was very ill, then a blur of needles, IV’s and white sheets, now home and a blur of eating, sleeping, medicating, feeling sore, vulnerable, human. Not in charge. Not thinking of anything but how to fill my next 30 minutes and make myself feel whole and good. My life coming to a halt.

Thank you all so very much for your sweet and kind thoughts to my speedy recovery!

p.s. Does anyone know just what is going on with Hotmail these days? I am changing my email for now until I can figure that out. kimcarney13 at yahoo dot com. I am using this for now, until I can figure out what is wrong with hotmail, that email acct. THAT I PAID FOR. Can not access my yahoo acct either and Gmail wants to send me a text message before I can sign up. WTF? Enough email problems for this hour.


tararossstudios said...

Hi kim, I called you tonite. No worries about calling me back. I hope you are feeling better soon.


camilla engman said...

Dear Kim, I hope you are feeling better and on track soon. Take care.

The Linda said...

Take your time to re-group and get back into the routine of things. As an aside, I've always wondered what makes an appendix decide to 'act up'. hmmmmm something to google, I suppose.

Take care - Thinking of you... ((hug))

Trish D said...

Take care of yourself, and enjoy some time sitting back, soaking up the sun. I've only commented a few times, but I love visiting your corner of the web.

And if you're still having email issues, may I suggest Lycos? Totally free (3G of space!), and I've found it to be quite dependable.

Janet said...

I have not been visiting my fav blogs recently and did not know about your appendix op! Sorry to hear you're under the weather but hopefully not for too long.

Enjoy the chance to rest and recuperate, the warm September sun, and that cup of peppermint tea.

la vie en rose said...

oh have been in my thoughts and prayers...

herself said...

Girlfriend, I have a match soup stained tee!

I just ate a whole bag of Trader Joes Cheesy Poofs, can I catch one of them appedeckames?

Well the turn of events hasn't hurt your photographic eye that's for sure. These are as stunning as ever.

Get well quick! no that supoosed to be get rich quick, hell I like it anyway!

phlegmfatale said...

I'm so glad you crawled out from the other side of this ordeal - those are like big wicked storms that sneak up on you and rock your world - Glad you've got such great infrastructure in your incredible family to help you through it all. I love you.

liz elayne said...

dearest girl i hope you are doing okay! are getting well and feeling better and all that good stuff! wow!

hugs and love to you,