Friday, November 17, 2006

The Hormone Hostage

Thank you Susan, boy, I needed that laugh. After the horrors of menopause, hormone depletion ... trust me, my husband opts for the ULTRA SAFE every time!

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1 Pass My Shotgun
2 Psychotic Mood Shift
3 Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5 People Make me Sick
6 Provide Me with Sweets
7 Pardon My Sobbing
8 Pimples May Surface
9 Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!
...Or men who need a warning.


Anonymous said...

I just laughed until I cried!!

My boyfriend's favorite was Pissy Mood Syndrome.
I have a feeling I will hear that one again in a couple weeks!

Anonymous said...

That is so funny-o.k. not so much when it's happening to you-hang in there. Once you're done with this plague of hormones, great things happen-you get energized and feel..dare I say it...peaceful. Like the calm after the storm.

kelly said...

this is flippin' hilarious and so true. i have sent a link to your blog, so a huge list of family and friends. it made my day to read this.

thanks for sharing are you?

Ulla said...

This is wonderful!!! I am printing it out right now for my hubby... He has 2 hormonal women in the house, one just starting, and one ending... talk about hell! LOL

kate I said...

Kim this is hilarious...had such a good chuckle! Thanks for sharing.

Colorsonmymind said...

Very very funny!

Uber Mer said...

Hahaha! I love it, "here have some wine"!

I should print this out for Troy, not that he needs it ; )

Kim Carney said...

I think about "I always loved you in that robe" and have a little giggle to myself at least a couple of times a day!