Welcome to my pity party

The next day: I have been a fly-killing machine!

Almost finished trimming bushes so I am feeling a little more accomplished today.

I wish I understood how I the blog goes from 10-20 views to 1,000. I know it has to do with search or some weird link, but I always find this fascinating. 

I feel more positive today ... so pity party canceled LOL

Yesterday: Grievance: A real or imagined wrong or other cause for complaint or protest, especially unfair treatment. "failure to redress genuine grievances" 

I have fallen into a quiet pity party at my house for the last couple of days. I am trying to recall when it started and why. I think it might have been when I was talking to a previous co-worker (younger) doing very well, loving his new job with our old art director, doing lots of freelance. Not that I am jealous. He totally deserves the work and is the best in the business. It just makes me feel like an invisible slug,  crawling slowing into complete obscurity at no ones fault but her own.

It might be the guilt and shame that I just sit here quietly in this house, mostly alone, not doing anything with my life and not really driven to do anything. I think getting through the day is a major accomplishment. Still trying to get through the house of horrors and make it livable, clean out closets and drawers, garages, and rooms.

I found a video the other day of Noah, the dogs were running around in the background. I know David was right behind me working at his computer. There was life here. People talking, laughing, dogs barking. it is just the stark difference right now that stops me dead in my tracks. Added to the loss, is that this workaholic is doing nothing. 

Okay, not "doing nothing". I have been frantically working in the yard. Trimming bushes, raking, cleaning up. I trim and work until my back starts aching, come in have a little rest and go back to it.

The deck still have big holes in it and I have been waiting for Matt to get started on this project. The truth is ... he is too busy in his own life to really be motivated to work over here. I get it, I understand, but I need help here. I will pay him. But you know how it is when you have a new house, a yard you want to improve, kids and softball ... it is just a lot to fit into to a life. Which leads me to the conclusion that I am just going to have to hire it out and get it done.

I put a call out on FB today for recommendations for a handyman. That would certainly help my situation. Of course, when I start paying for outside work will mean I can not help them out financially at all. 

Life is complicated. Oh, I just got my iPhone reminder, it is trash day again.

I could watch these over and over.