Treasures I find on my phone

The traveling Millers

Remi loves Matt as much as I do.

Looking back, looking forward

Yesterday I took my mom to the ER in Everett. Two weeks ago we spent the entire day there waiting for her to have Ct Scan ... Yesterday, I decided to run errands while she was waiting.

My errand: buying staples for Matt to have in his new place. His new place. They found a place to move to about two weeks ago. I am excited, I have saved all kinds stuff, furniture and kitchen items for this day to come. But when they told me a couple of weeks ago, I listened with enthusiasm, then headed to the garage to have a good cry. But Matt followed me down to ask a question and so my cry was postponed, suppressed for a later time.

I found plenty of bargains on peanut butter, toilet paper, honey, sugar, flour ... you know the things one will need to survive. I was feeling happy with myself at my last stop ... jumped into the car and when the words formed in my head, then came out of my mouth ... 'Matt is moving out' ... I started to cry, the uncontrollable, ugly cry. The kind that you can't stop. The kind that when someone in the car next to you looks over, they get worried. Cried all the way back to the hospital. The nurse asked me if I was okay. I explained my pre-empty-nest attack.

Last night, I let Matt and Bri pick out dishes they wanted to take with them. Picking, packing, panicking. They are only 10 minutes away. I know we will see him often. I know they want to spend time here with us. It is just ... that our son will not be sleeping in his bedroom, where he as slept for the last 20 years. I am worried they won't be able to afford their new lives. Who will cook for them? Will their laundry be done? Who will tell him to be safe when he leaves the house? I won't be able to tell him "I love you" every night at bedtime.

A little photo album of the last 20 years started flipping through my brain ... just little snippets of him at different ages. The bunny he wouldn't go anywhere without. That time he was running through the sprinkles, having lunch and taking naps in the backyard fort, pulling them in the red wagon to the local park, Halloween with his Frankenstein mask, watching him play baseball, basketball, paintball, soccer, trombone. All the hours we spent watching him skate, driving him through Oregon in search of new skate parks. Watching him earn his black belt, winning skating trophies. When he thought he was Batman and when he wore his Gargoyle outfit everywhere. And just as it was a flipbook ... it seems to have gone that quickly. I want to flip through it again and again and have all of those moments back! I keep wondering how it went so fast. How did that happen? When I was looking through all of our photos, David asked me what I was looking for and I cried out through my sobbing ... I am looking for where the time has gone. (Pixel ran up to check on me and lick my tears away.)

I will write him a letter and tell him how proud I am to be his mother. How much fun it is being his mom. How he has made our lives so much more than we thought it would ever be. How he has been a joy to us from the minute of his birth. I can't remember one bad moment with him, one moment that I wasn't overjoyed to have him as my son.

This is his beginning of his adult life, exciting, challenging ... for them looking forward, not back. And I will text him with my new smartphone every night that I love him before I go to sleep.

Graduate in da house

Family post! We have a graduate in the house! As you can tell, we all all very happy.

Matt's solo

Grandma post! Last night was the Jazz Band fund-raising dinner. Matt had a solo. And of course, for the first time I forgot my camera. Fortunately our wonderful neighbors Ron and Yoko brought theirs. Rick, Laura and Bri all were there. We spent money and watched Matt perform for the last time at this annual fund-raising event. Expect a envelope in the mail for your contribution ;) Wish you could have been there in person.

Essentially Ellington

Grandma post! 15 High School Jazz band finalist announced for 15th annual Essentially Ellington, and Edmonds-Woodway is on the list! Matt off to New York in May!

Gosh, it goes quickly

I was cleaning out folders at work today and ran across this photo of Matt that we shot many years ago. He and a bunch of our children were in a special series we did about children and sports. I gasp a little to see him so young and that feels not so long ago. I have been experiencing some sadness, pre-empty-nester? I don't know. But I can't say this enough now to people with kids ... it goes faster than you think!

My lesson to myself

later that night.

So tonight when we were laughing about me posting my terrible hair-do photo online, my son was telling me he had written his English paper about just that. Last week he "interviewed" me for a paper for English. So horrified, I said, I hope you didn't tell your English class I never shower and have really bad hair days. He said no. But he said in his paper that when I was happiest in my paint pants, a polar fleece jacket and my hair was always in a mess. That I didn't really care what people wore. That I didn't judge people by what they wore, but by their character. Wow. My son said that! And my son recognizes that. That is huge for me! Maybe we did do something right. ;)

Proof!

This is proof to convince my M-I-L that Matt and Pica are alive and well. ;)

Matt and Bri were called to dinner and came late, therefore losing their seats "together". They didn't want to sit apart so picked another place to eat. ;)



Pica, king of the ottoman

Birthday Boy

I wasn't the best mom. David was a good dad. But we have the greatest son in the world! And he is 18 years old today. I can remember every minute of his birth day. It just doesn't seem possible that 18 years have passed so quickly.

A Moment In The Sun

My cousin (something removed) sent me a link to photos that another cousin (second?) had uploaded to Facebook. So mom and I been reminiscing about the past. Family long gone but still so close I can see every detail of them. My grandmother and her sisters were fishing fanatics and some of my favorite memories are all of us fishing. Big Mama teaching us to bait a hook, or digging up grubs and worms from her yard (for the hook). Fishing at night with at the end of some dock. Boats and Lake Whitney.

"I can see them fishing in my minds eye right now ... the shirt Big Mama would be wearing, the color and texture of her skin, the most beautiful shade of brown and wrinkled from years of sun exposure. Her hands, her flat fingernails (my dad has her nails), painted but polish chipped, wedding bands and her tanned fingers. Red Avon lipstick on thin lips and short, wavy brown hair tinged with gray blown in the wind. I can hear her laughing and an enormous smile that engulfed us all ... all grandkids enchanted with her. Adoring her, while she us, but more."

This photo is my grandmother and grandfather taken in Rotan, Texas before they were married. The story is she bought these shoes for the photo and returned them the following day. Two of the most loving, giving, generous people in the world. And definitely the BEST grandparents kids could wish for.



My mom and dad, to the right.



And all of these are my great-grandmother, Della (we called her "muzzer"). She lived in a M-I-L apartment at my grandparents most of my childhood. And she always wore a belted, small print dress, usually navy, as in the last photo. Isn't it funny how all those memories came flooding back the minute you see an image.

Oldies But Goodies

I had to clean out and delete my Kodak Gallery ... found some good ones. It seems Matt was this age just yesterday.

Loving Those

(Grandma post) Loving those in love. M got a haircut and off to Idaho for Jazz concerts.

Two Refuse

Now I have two of them refusing to have their photos taken while they eat dinner at the computers. ;(

Thank You All!

I woke up today to find D has dug out all of our Scooter photos. In my grief I called him "my Scooter", when in fact, he was really M's. D carried him around like a baby his first 6 months. Scooter was devoted to my mom because she made him liver treats, fed him everyday. I washed and groomed him, doctored his eyes. When he had both back legs rebuilt, I hand-fed him and carried him up and down the stairs, stayed with him on the floor. When he had his surgery and I visited him in at the vet's, found him shivering in a cement kennel, I demanded that I could take him home that minute. Knowing I could not leave him there alone recovering, even for a couple of days. Reluctantly, the vet agreed me. With his expensive metal-plated back legs, we called him our bionic dog. Yesterday we were all very quiet here, in shock, I suspect. Mom and I decided not to vacuum up all of the "Scootie hair" that is a permanent addition to our carpet until later. Just let is all be for now.

Thank you all so very much for sharing your own losses and experiences, commiserating with me, giving Scooter a good send-off and having friends to welcome him over. I reacted so emotionally at the vet's office I was afraid they thought I was insane. After talking to my neighbor who said she had the same experience ... I don't feel so embarrassed at my outburst. And my S-I-L and spoke about her recent loss and with those conversations and your stories are letting me know that I am not an over-emotional crazy woman :) So for the record, I am adding some photos to remember our friend.

Santa delivered Scooter to us 12 years ago!



Matt is thrilled with his new friend. Admittedly, Scooter looks a little confused.



He really loved the snow.



And being with M doing anything.



Especially if there was a ball involved.

Busy Day

Tara, Mom and I did our 3rd annual "garage sale Saturday". Didn't find too many things worth noting here. And I was threatened by my husband not to bring any more junk into the garage that he has been cleaning for two weeks (trying to organizing me). Regardless of the lack of 'good finds', we had a great day of driving around, enjoying hamburgers and listening to "This American Life". Stopped by my favorite store in the city (image below)



Then off the a Mariner's Game, a company sponsored "get-together". (Grandmother alert). M drove us to and from the Mariner's game. In the rain and dark. ;0 He is a very good driver, despite his mother in the backseat squealing in a high-pitched voice to "slow down".





Then grocery shopping and ran to work on Sunday. The weekend flew by.

Broken Clavical

M had a great morning of doing tricks on the slopes but the afternoon didn't go so good. Broken clavical. ;( I swear Pica knows that something is wrong with him ... staying very close to him.