The power of color and worth

I was going to tear up and throw away this silly check but I have decided to keep it as a reminded of what that family thought of my worth instead. Now, mind you, I did not expect one red cent from my paternal father. I have not seen nor spoken with him in many years. I hear he suffered through cancer his last few of years and I was not there to help or be a part of his life, my sister was. 

I don't feel like I ever got much support from him in my lifetime, for instance ... I would go to visit them in Texas but he NEVER, ever visited me once where I lived. He always expected me to come to the mountain.

I don't remember ever going on family vacations with his family. I spent many a Christmas at my grandparents with him there. He never helped me with a school paper, or went to the dentist with me, or any of the stuff dad's do. 

He never paid child support, never. But I did not know that until a couple of years before mom died because she never said or brought it up. My mom said then, he had his own family to take care of. Nevermind, he was always buying airplanes or sport cars to rebuild or guns.

I found out something important while trying to find Susan's father. During a conversation I had with my paternal father I asked him about their divorce. He said he never signed divorce papers and doesn't remember going to court! I said, you had to sign divorce papers to be divorced! 

Then David and I had a sudden thought. We could see 17-year-old Dianne, with a baby in tow, another she had just given up for adoption in this situation she had no money to get out of. I could easily see mom just calling Bobby and saying "We are divorced" and him just saying "okay". So the thought lingered with David and me ... what ... if ... they ... were ... not ... even ... divorced? And my super Christian stepmother was not even legit? I giggled at the thought of what her response would be to that. I have researched their divorce papers in Texas and Arkansas and have yet to find any. So ... I will just leave it at there. (Okay, I know I am just being mean now, but it is fun to think about ... )

I grew up in poor families where we don't think about 'inheritances' or estates so I never thought about it much. To be fair, I didn't get anything of significance from my stepdad except a most treasured belt buckle and of course, his love. I think his 4th wife got whatever he had left except I took her to court for a house he owned in Breckenridge for my brother. (I am just remembering this now). I spent a fortune in lawyer fees trying to get this house for my brother. Not a fancy house but something he could have. We did end up winning but I think he went back to jail for something or another and the taxes owed on that house were more than the house itself and David stepped in and said enough is enough. 

Anyway! The moral of the story is ... don't expect anything. I didn't expect anything from his 'estate' and what I received was my real worth, which is what I felt my entire life. But I have always known my worth! 

I feel fortunate to have a house and a little money to pass on to my kids, not much by a little more than $100. 

PS, they even got my name wrong. From the moment I married David they referred to me as Kim Miller not Kim Carney although I never changed my name to Miller and told them that many times. They hated the idea I changed my name from Harkins to Carney legally when I was 18 and never let me forget it. Silly, petty crap.  

Thank you for your attention to this. 

  

Mark Bowles And his Instagram