Friday, May 01, 2015

Brain in black hole

All the segments of my brain have scrambled and flattened into one massive goal, survival. My brain has flat-lined ... and I am functioning on some memory of what normality use to be.

This morning I have taken off work and making phone calls to HMO's, Medicaid, Medicare (I am on hold as I type) ... trying to figure out what will happen to my mom once they have deemed she is able to leave her present acute care facility and go - heaven knows where? Home? My list is growing of how I can care for her here ... including hospital bed, oxygen, tanks, airvo2, commode chair, wheelchair, among others items.

They insist she will be leaving Kindred Acute care in two weeks and I am dubious. Then there is a home assisted care living which her insurance does not cover, or nursing home which Medicaid may or may not cover. I just finished that application.

So I am in this holding pattern of not really sure what the future holds for us, her, me ... She is understandably depressed. We watch TV, hold hands and clean her bed and organized her stuff beside her bed daily. She declines in health everyday and I am sure this is the Universes' way of accepting a merciful death with relief and gratitude.

I go to work and try to be creative while making desperate calls to Kindred to try and get the doctor to address the thrush in her mouth, or the respiratory to address her air needs, to nutrition to address the "mush" she is NOT eating that is her dysphagia diet. She is not eating and losing more weight. I take her Ensure and ice cream. If YOU have a loved one in a hospital or nursing facility, you have to be their advocate ... from one nursing shift to another, it seems no one knows what is going on, what her meds are, how to change the nasal cannula to a mask, etc. I always start off with, "I don't mean to be bossy, but I have been watching you guys do this for over two months ... "

Virginia Mason was desperate to move mom, two months, too long to be there. They were taking an X-ray a day ... I am sure there was no improvement, but they thought it was okay to move her. I have asked for those X-rays. Below, our home away from home at Virginia Mason ... I could hear the nurses say daily, "is she still here?"


When I bring laundry home the dogs go crazy, smelling and even diving into the basket, thinking maybe mom is hiding in there somewhere.


I am still trying to work. Just finished Premier Chefs Dinner invite and catalog ... a floral, vintage paper poster. I really love it. No matter how much I love these projects, it is so good to finally get it to the printer.



And then I had a Vaginal Microbiome illustration yesterday, yes, that is what I said. And a sinus illustration this week as well. The fact is, I love my job and what I do there! ;)



I want to clean the bathroom, or pull weeds or photograph flowers ... normal. But I will hang on to those wishes for now. As I make my way through the black hole of our long term care medical system.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Wall art

When you are bored late at night in a hospital room, you will do anything for entertainment.



Friday, March 27, 2015

Facing death

Since March 9, 2015, my mom has been in the hospital. Beginning with dehydration, easily fixed with lots of IV fluids. Which then became fluid on her lungs, so they tired to get that off, in a matter of days, she had a catastrophic lung event which has led us down this path of her not being able to breath on her own, at all.

No one really knows what is really going on. After many X-rays, scans, breathing treatments, many consulting doctors, from urgent care, to critical care, now respiratory unit. It has been a long two weeks of watching a vibrant women waste away. It is my honor to be with her every day and night to get us either through this or to the end of this.

This is my little work station in her room, where we sometimes watch movies, or catch up on her favorite tv shows. We listen to books of tape on the iPad, which I don't think she really likes, but it does make her fall fast to sleep. The hardest thing is to watch my beautiful, vibrant mom endure indignities. And have her apologize.

And lately I have been having dreams that my house is flooding. I looked it up, it can be about sadness and loss.

PS There is no sleeping or resting in hospitals.



Saturday, February 21, 2015

Hello, it's me!

Hello, my dearest blog. Remember me? I loved you and dedicated many hours to you for almost 10 years and lately I found it difficult to even post a hello to the world. 

Lately, I spend much of my time cleaning and mopping the house to keep clean for a toddler, focused on getting into everything.

Looking after and taking my mom to her Dr. appointments.


Coming up with new and exciting invitations for Fred Hutch that will wow and fit into my budget. Right now, working on a "poster" invitation that has a vintage botanical feel to it. I love it and I hope it turns out okay ;) I am really, really excited about my newest effort.

I don't  have much to say tonight, just that, I really miss you. And hope to see you more often very soon.

Saturday, January 03, 2015

Crazy for Cactus

If I could tolerate heat, I would like to live in a dry, hot climate, for the cactus. I see one and I have to stop and look at the patterns, the shapes, the colors. David had a cactus collection when we married but it did not last very long in the dark days in Washington state.

 DIY: Nicole’s Wire Cacti Garden


 
Cable Tie Cacti by BrianJewett 



 

JooJoo’s fimo cactus are completely adorable and would have a change of surviving in my house.


Maybe a safer bet would be a painting on canvas, like this Giant Prickly Pear by Lara Nickel (her art Pinterest board here).


 How 'bout a succulent Christmas tree by Succulent Solutions?


  Or just enjoy a sticky hot air balloon ride?

Friday, January 02, 2015

Happy New Year

The first of my New Year's resolution to-do list is to make time to blog more. 

This post is for my brother, way off in Oklahoma. We love you! Stay warm.

 

And then a few of Mason. 

 

Pretty in pink!

 

"Yeah" for football

 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Play with your Plastic

Is that the cutest think you have ever seen? Cactus collection made of PET bottles. Such a cool kindergarten project! Courtesy of Kurbits.nu

    

More ways to recycle plastic bottles

Make a beautiful art bowl from pet bottle by gulguvenc


Sunday, October 05, 2014

Repeating Patterns

I spend more time than ever thinking about repeating patterns in nature. Mainly for interesting backgrounds for projects at work. Something scientific and visually compelling. Fractals, patterns, I wish I had more time to learn how to generate these works of art!

frankBerg has some beautiful patterns

  
 

Algorithmic artwork by Samuel Monnier.  

Jonathan McCabe has some mind blowing images.

  

And his album of Turing Patterns, I can not look away! Turing cell patterns.



This is gorgeous by Karmafritz

 

Monday, September 22, 2014

Studio Soo

I can't believe the detail in these miniature rooms by Studio Soo. Reminded me of the incredible detail of Shelley's sets. Found on Life in minature on Pinterest. 

 



The Art of Business

Very inspiring and helpful. Found on the Analog Watch Co. Blog.

THE ART OF BUSINESS, IT'S NOT AS SCARY AS YOU THINK  by Lorenzo Buffa.

The experience in taking an artistic idea and turning it into a viable business has been much like a growing tree branch. There are constantly new limbs and new leaves sprouting in places you did not expect. Sometimes a leaf browns and you have to make decisions: do you add more water or do you trim the browning leaf?

Okay okay - so maybe it's the artist in me that felt compelled to create that beautiful metaphor to explain the complicated thing that is business. The fact is - it takes some time and effort to overcome the fear and hurtles of being an artist, but at the end of the day it is one of the most empowering things a creative individual can do. Creatives have an upper hand in so many ways. You can and should mix your artistic right brain thinking with newly learned left brain actions.


These aren't pieces of advice that I am suggesting will work for everyone-- rather these are the things that I've found helpful to keep in mind throughout the early life of starting a business. My hope is that others can find value in our experiences and relate them to their own work.

1. Be flexible, always. You have to be willing to learn a new skill even if you find it boring. I still dislike using excel, but once I got over that hump, I am now able to compile real information and data that in turn helps me understand where my business is, where it wants to go, and how much time and effort it may take to get to the next milestone.  If you think something will take you 2 weeks, and do the smart thing and buffer for 4 weeks, it will actually take you 6 weeks. Always be flexible.

2. Be kind and modest. I have had to rely on countless friends and mentors - not only for emotional support or just as ears willing to listen - but for actions that resulted in business growth. Remaining modest has made it easy for us to find friends or friends of friends who are interested in helping and supporting a vision. Wether it be a photographer to shoot some content, or a web designer to help tweak some code, or a connection to someone in city government. If you are genuine - others will see this, and the resources and people you need will slowly but surely make themselves visible.

3. Fake it till you make it.
My mother always told me this adage and for years folks used to laugh at me for simplifying the complex world of business into a one liner. If you want to be a company, talk as a company. Drop "I" and replace it for "We". You think your company is too small to be doing something? You are probably wrong and it's probably time for you to start doing that next level action.

4. Emulate those who you admire. If you want to present like Steve Jobs, you need to watch his videos, take notes, then imagine you are him at your next speech or presentation. Follow what works. Pay attention to what doesn't. You should know your market better than anyone else, which also means you are attuned to what is and is not working within your industry. Find what suits you, borrow from it, and make the changes that fit your business so you can make it your own.

5. Always be preparing for growth. 
One day we received an email asking for our line sheet and wholesale prices. While we had not created those documents or terms yet, I had saved a few I found online many months back that I was able to reference. This simple preparation allowed us to quickly put together an appropriate wholesale document. Our version 1 lost us some customers - so we asked around and learned from the mistakes. Now we have purchase terms that not only work well for us but that also engage retailers. 

6. Entrepreneurship is all about risk mitigation and management.  When starting a business you will find you are constantly in a position of making decisions. Do I order 50 or do I order 500? You need to ask your self what the safest, least risky method is for you. If you order 50 and sell out right away - will it set you back 2 months as you wait for more inventory? If you order 500 and it turns out the item is not popular - are you now sitting on a ton of wasted inventory? Do you need to create "tests" so you can measure if something is a worth while expenditure?  In our case - we used Kickstarter as a platform to test the market we wanted to enter.

7. Stretch your money.  Pay yourself enough to get by, only after you've put the money in the right places for your business. If you weigh the risks properly and keep on building your sweat equity - you'll have the cash you need to cover those unexpected costs.

8. Don't be intimidated.   It's easy to beat your self up when you realize maybe your math skills or business skills are rusty. You may compare yourself to other successful endeavors and find it hard to imagine you making it there yourself. Stop that now and re-read #4 and #5 above. You have a creative mind and just maybe that is what will set you apart from the rest.

9. Use YouTube to learn.  Seriously. The internet is a powerful tool and we ourselves use it constantly to learn. You can type almost any topic into youtube and find multiple individuals or organizations ready to share information and knowledge in an easy to watch and take in format.

Daydreamer with Tunnel Vision

"Elly MacKay has a daydreamer’s imagination, creating little worlds from paper and paint then setting them into a paper theatre and photographing them. Sweet and beautifully crafted. The artist sells prints of the mostly-childhood themes, and has recently authored and illustrated a book." Found via DailyArt Muse



Elly MacKay Flickr and her version of Anne of Green Gables (I must have). Isn't her work the loveliest?

Sunday, September 21, 2014

My House, Head, Heart is full

I recently talked to one of my best friends and we were discussing the dichotomy of ours lives. Hers: quite and secluded, mine: loud and excessively messy.

Our house is full. People and noises: laughing, talking; baby crying, cooing, ear-piercing squealing; dogs and dogs barking; phones ringing; door bell buzzing; three TVs with three different channels playing in three rooms - all trying to be the loudest.

The house now exist in piles, piles of stuff everywhere I look. It is our stuff and their stuff, many lives colliding in one small house. Piles of the kids shoes and their clothes; baby toys; letter and bills; dog toys; dirty dishes; car keys so we can move the cars in the driveway out of the way of your car when you need to get where your are going; piles of paper grocery bags (more of that later); piles of trash bags on the back porch waiting to be carried to the trash can; piles of clothes to ironed, clothes to be washed and clothes to put away. The piles go on. Lots of spider webs hanging from the ceilings. Lots of dog hair piled up in corners.

My phone is full of list. Mainly list of what needs to be picked up at the grocery store on the way home from work. Since mom does not drive anymore, we all pitch in for the shopping. The list is almost always the same, eggs, milk, paper towels, toilet paper, dog food, and the question of the night, "what are we having for dinner?" Mom also does not cook anymore, which scares me nightly, about what everyone is making, or what they are buying for carry-out. Also phone full of photos and videos of Mason. Where to store them, still trying to figure that out.

The front and back yards are full of weeds (some fire weed 8 ft. tall), morning glories running amuck, grapes that need to be trimmed, dog poop that needs to be scooped, bushes dying to be pruned.

My brain is full. Of ideas for work; full of video lessons I have been watching for work; full of invitation ideas, illustration, magazine cover illustration ideas; full of phone calls I need to make to printers to ask a crucial question. It is still full of worry about my career future and making money and trying to get past the 3+ years of keeping my ego intact while job hunting. Full of my fun ideas that I still try to pursue on my weekends, without much luck. My skulls, my Brantlers, my rings. Full of concern about my mom, making sure she is taken care of while I am at work, safe and has everything here that she needs since she is no longer able to leave the house and drive.

My car is full of stuff from 4 years ago that needs to be put away.

My heart is full of love and pride for Matt and Bri, with Mason. They drive me a little nuts, but I love watching them both being great parents.

My life is NOT full of as many friends. The last year, something had to drop out of my life and unfortunately, it came down to friends, make-up and blogging. I understand that blogging kept me sane for so many years, but there is really only so much one can think upon without going nuts, so I let the blog go silent for awhile. I mean, with Pinterest and so many other fantastic blogs, the world is not going to miss my little spot on the internet. I post on Instagram more now than ever, mainly mom or the baby and art around our campus.

I still peruse many blogs, very quickly. Many have such glamorous lives, referring us to the perfect makeup they recently found or an instagram they discovered with glorious food or vacation images. I am inspired and envious all at the same time. My life is so different from 6 years ago. I went from having a clean, nicely decorated place, to a house where the carpets is disgusting (from Pica being sick for three years) and the blinds are broken. My head is also filled with list, list of stuff that needs to be fixed, replaced, mended. I hate that winter is coming and I still have not been able to replace our failing roof. ;0 But life goes on.

I am not interested in the perfect eyeshadow. I quit wearing makeup months ago. I feel like if I get to work in clothes other than my pajamas, I have really accomplished something BIG. My work week is really full, usually by Wednesday, I would swear it was Friday. Or I look up and it is all ready 5pm when I thought it was probably noon.

But I really love my new job. It has been such a challenge, to learn so many things in the first year. That said, I have not learned everything I need to know to do a really good job. I spend many hours with printers talking over paper choices and prices. Fred Hutch is on Pinterest and I keep that up religiously. We are going through rebranding, which means lots of meetings about redesign and brainstorming ideas. We have a quarterly magazine, Quest, we all work on to make deadline. Still get to do some illustrations and still freelance a little illustrations out. I work with the most talented and extraordinary people. Talented people from my past have joined the team. Some people not so welcomed from my previous job have applied for jobs, thankfully, they were not hired.

Our team is going to ONA in Chicago next week, and we spent two weeks making directories of our scientist and science writers, designing pieces for the booth, signage, table tents, business cards (I opted for the new and cool square moo cards for them this trip since we didn't have our official business cards designed yet.) These are very fun projects. But still have my everyday work to complete on top of that.

So that is what is going on with me and mine. ;) And where I have been hiding out for the last year.




Pixel just wants some quiet time!

Sticky Subject, continued

Since my last post was about cactus, seems fitting that I should resume my blogging on that samne sticky subject.

Rocking a cactus garden. Use garden rocks to create this fun Rock Cactus pot. A great sensory idea for a kids activity and craft. And another tutorial from Craftberry Bush on making a rock cactus garden.



David Stark shares his creative DIY Papier-Mâché Cacti project over on Design Sponge


These fun and beautiful paper plants by Adam Frezzo & Terri Chiao




I love this life-size cactus is fun and I am putting that on my list to make very soon




Stray Dog painted cactus set, in many glorious colors.



Monday, July 07, 2014

Prickly Plants

Bringing outdoors in with these adorable pillows without the stickers from Plantillo. I want a garden for my sofa. ;) 







Wooden cactus by Yuto Yamasaki, adorable! 



Or the real thing ...


Light up with Prickly Pear Cactus Table Lamp by Dessert Gallery. Want one!


You could just wear one, Cactus Plant Live Terrarium Necklace by Wear It Mini Plants on Etsy.


Sunday, July 06, 2014

Where does the time go?

*Warning, this is a great-grandmother post with videos* So you might be bored to death ;)

I have been meaning to post some stuff that I have found lately but when I get home from work, I have just run out of gas! 

The Peonies have bloomed, the Clematis - gone, Columbine have gone to seed. the Hydrangeas are going full blast along with the morning glories (which I battled daily - does anyone know how to get rid of those buggers?) and the Honeysuckle looks very happy on the very sunny days. Summer is here. I traded photographing flowers, for Mason. My newest little flower. ;)

My personal creativity has taken a back seat to holding and instagramming Mason, looking but not cleaning my incredibly messy house, lots of Fred Hutch work, helping my mom out, making dog food and dreaming of how I am going to get the backyard weeded without putting myself in the hospital. In other words, I feel really overwhelmed these days.

As my husband reminds me daily, enjoy this time and don't get stressed. Nothing last forever. He is right. I am making a supreme effort to enjoy each minute with Mason and the kids and not worry so much about the mess, the money, old Pica, the washing machine that stopped washing ... you know the stuff that makes up life. And really enjoy the minutes that make the future. 

video

video


Friday, May 02, 2014

The Lake

This is stunning! 


'The Lake' winner - CHRONOS film festival 2013 & 'Goldene Stadttor' ITB Berlin 2014 from geoff tompkinson on Vimeo.

Found via jmht at your service

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Poppy, make mine a double



It is that time of year that I can not pass up a little plastic pot of poppies. I know they will not  make it in my wet and rainy yard, but that does not dissuade me from bringing them home to admire and love. Many years ago, my friend and neighbor, Laura and I planted double poppies and they came back for a couple of years ... only to vanish later. But I love those double poppies. I have never had luck starting poppies from seed. My solution now is just to enjoy what I can buy at the store in a pot and dream of the double poppy.



The Iceland Poppy (Papaver nudicaule, syn. Papaver croceum, P. miyabeanum,[2][3] P. amurense, and P. macounii) is a boreal flowering plant. Native to subpolar regions of Europe, Asia and North America, and the mountains of Central Asia[4] (but not in Iceland), Iceland poppies are hardy but short-lived perennials, often grown as biennials, that yield large, papery, bowl-shaped, lightly fragrant flowers supported by hairy, one foot, curved stems among feathery blue-green foliage 1-6 inches long. They were first described by botanists in 1759. The wild species blooms in white or yellow, and is hardy from USDA Zones 3a-10b.



"The Matilija Poppy must be conceded the queen of all flowers," wrote Mary Elizabeth Parsons in her charming 1897 book, The Wild Flowers of California. What caught her eye were the huge-four to eight inches across-chalk white, uniquely fragrant blossoms. This stunning flower has six petals that seem to be made of soft crepe paper that has been crumpled and then pleated. The center, a golden cluster of dozens of pollen bearing stamen, elicits the descriptive popular name 'fried-egg" plant.
Matilija (pronounced ma-til-li-ha) is the lovely name given by native Americans, who appreciated its beauty and value as a medicinal plant. In The late nineteenth century, the renowned botanist Alice Eastwood named it trichocalyx-trico meaning "hair" and calyx meaning "sepals" for the three leafy parts covering the bud.
(Below)


  
Beautiful poppy images below found at The families of flowering plants by L. Watson and M. J. Dallwitz
 







I love these stylized poppy illustrations, so light and airy.