Sunday, September 21, 2014

My House, Head, Heart is full

I recently talked to one of my best friends and we were discussing the dichotomy of ours lives. Hers: quite and secluded, mine: loud and excessively messy.

Our house is full. People and noises: laughing, talking; baby crying, cooing, ear-piercing squealing; dogs and dogs barking; phones ringing; door bell buzzing; three TVs with three different channels playing in three rooms - all trying to be the loudest.

The house now exist in piles, piles of stuff everywhere I look. It is our stuff and their stuff, many lives colliding in one small house. Piles of the kids shoes and their clothes; baby toys; letter and bills; dog toys; dirty dishes; car keys so we can move the cars in the driveway out of the way of your car when you need to get where your are going; piles of paper grocery bags (more of that later); piles of trash bags on the back porch waiting to be carried to the trash can; piles of clothes to ironed, clothes to be washed and clothes to put away. The piles go on. Lots of spider webs hanging from the ceilings. Lots of dog hair piled up in corners.

My phone is full of list. Mainly list of what needs to be picked up at the grocery store on the way home from work. Since mom does not drive anymore, we all pitch in for the shopping. The list is almost always the same, eggs, milk, paper towels, toilet paper, dog food, and the question of the night, "what are we having for dinner?" Mom also does not cook anymore, which scares me nightly, about what everyone is making, or what they are buying for carry-out. Also phone full of photos and videos of Mason. Where to store them, still trying to figure that out.

The front and back yards are full of weeds (some fire weed 8 ft. tall), morning glories running amuck, grapes that need to be trimmed, dog poop that needs to be scooped, bushes dying to be pruned.

My brain is full. Of ideas for work; full of video lessons I have been watching for work; full of invitation ideas, illustration, magazine cover illustration ideas; full of phone calls I need to make to printers to ask a crucial question. It is still full of worry about my career future and making money and trying to get past the 3+ years of keeping my ego intact while job hunting. Full of my fun ideas that I still try to pursue on my weekends, without much luck. My skulls, my Brantlers, my rings. Full of concern about my mom, making sure she is taken care of while I am at work, safe and has everything here that she needs since she is no longer able to leave the house and drive.

My car is full of stuff from 4 years ago that needs to be put away.

My heart is full of love and pride for Matt and Bri, with Mason. They drive me a little nuts, but I love watching them both being great parents.

My life is NOT full of as many friends. The last year, something had to drop out of my life and unfortunately, it came down to friends, make-up and blogging. I understand that blogging kept me sane for so many years, but there is really only so much one can think upon without going nuts, so I let the blog go silent for awhile. I mean, with Pinterest and so many other fantastic blogs, the world is not going to miss my little spot on the internet. I post on Instagram more now than ever, mainly mom or the baby and art around our campus.

I still peruse many blogs, very quickly. Many have such glamorous lives, referring us to the perfect makeup they recently found or an instagram they discovered with glorious food or vacation images. I am inspired and envious all at the same time. My life is so different from 6 years ago. I went from having a clean, nicely decorated place, to a house where the carpets is disgusting (from Pica being sick for three years) and the blinds are broken. My head is also filled with list, list of stuff that needs to be fixed, replaced, mended. I hate that winter is coming and I still have not been able to replace our failing roof. ;0 But life goes on.

I am not interested in the perfect eyeshadow. I quit wearing makeup months ago. I feel like if I get to work in clothes other than my pajamas, I have really accomplished something BIG. My work week is really full, usually by Wednesday, I would swear it was Friday. Or I look up and it is all ready 5pm when I thought it was probably noon.

But I really love my new job. It has been such a challenge, to learn so many things in the first year. That said, I have not learned everything I need to know to do a really good job. I spend many hours with printers talking over paper choices and prices. Fred Hutch is on Pinterest and I keep that up religiously. We are going through rebranding, which means lots of meetings about redesign and brainstorming ideas. We have a quarterly magazine, Quest, we all work on to make deadline. Still get to do some illustrations and still freelance a little illustrations out. I work with the most talented and extraordinary people. Talented people from my past have joined the team. Some people not so welcomed from my previous job have applied for jobs, thankfully, they were not hired.

Our team is going to ONA in Chicago next week, and we spent two weeks making directories of our scientist and science writers, designing pieces for the booth, signage, table tents, business cards (I opted for the new and cool square moo cards for them this trip since we didn't have our official business cards designed yet.) These are very fun projects. But still have my everyday work to complete on top of that.

So that is what is going on with me and mine. ;) And where I have been hiding out for the last year.

Pixel just wants some quiet time!


Shelley Noble said...

Glad you have a great job again, Ki. And happy that your family has a new little one to smile over and to hug a lot. May your mom stay safe and your home magically keep itself in order so you get the rest you need.

Meanwhile, love grows big in small houses.

ELFI said...

une jolie famille ..
un pixel de plus!

Joanne S said...

Life-- when it's good--is messy.

Kim Carney said...

Good sentiments! Thank you! Life is good when it is messy ;)

kim said...

Well, this bloggy friend still checks in from time to time to see how you are doing and cheer you on. It's a silent cheer, so you might not have noticed, but it's genuine.