Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Lighting Up

Perseids Meteor Shower tonight. It is cloudy right now, but I told the kids to look UP when M drove Bri home. Maybe they can see some even if I can't right now. If I get out of bed when the alarm goes off, maybe I can catch one or two. It has been a long day full of coding, something I am not comfortable with. A Hack. That is what I am. But I was a hack back in the 80's when bored at work for Rio Airways and hacked into the Braniff system to talk to other ticket agents all over the United States. I spent hours figuring out how to do it. I wish someone had given me the hint to go into computer science back then ... or understood what I was doing could be profitable in the future ... maybe I wouldn't be so confused about what I should be now. Hired illustrator/designer asked to code pages. Sometimes exciting, sometimes exhausting. Looking into full-time classes at local community college.

But enough of that. Erin lit up my day today before the sun came up with this post about celebrating life. There are many moments when I walk outside to get away from the computer and hear a bird song, stopped dead in my tracks and smile because it is a song I haven't heard before. Or find a little seed that is fascinating in its' shape and color. I was trimming the tree a couple of day ago and a sudden gust of cool wind blew over my face. I stopped and just watched the leaves sway and thought, how wonderful that is. To hear the wind, feel the wind. A song, really.

Watch my puppy (the baby) discover wind (she tucks her tail like something is after her "back there") as she keeps looking at her back to see what is trying to catch her, or when she found out about rain for the first time and kept looking up to see what was hitting her head (her ears not perked, but fallen down sideways). To watch her chase little flying insects, a new playmate? Or watch me dig in the dirt and decide that looks like fun and tries to help. Watches every movement of our lips, head twisted sideways, trying to understand what we are saying to her. Watching her discover the world, is a celebration.

My son comes home very late from painting at the free wall in Seattle. And has to tell me every detail of his night, his experience, his joy, his excitement and his photos. THAT is a celebration. (Although, at the moment, I am thinking, I have to be up in 2 hours.) Watching him, listening to him ... he is truly my life's celebration.

So, all is not loss when you think of the little things to celebrate. Although, I have been suffering for months of agonizing depression, there are so many thrilling moments to keep the magic alive within me.

And don't forget my amazing friend, Faith's new post about "blue". God, I wish I could write like that! :) Ok, I must go to bed. I have 5.5 hours of sleep now.


Jan said...

I know of what you speak....depression. It is a crippling little bastard. There are days I want to kill it, and days I think it is going to kill me. I, too, have found the joy in the little things. So, today I wish for you a gentle breeze to cross your cheek...the joy of birdsong, and the blessing of unconditional love that Pixel brings, the pride you feel in your children...and know you bring that joy to the people who read your blog. Your posts always delight and surprise!

wilsonian said...

Such fantastic things to celebrate. Life is so very rich.