Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Experiencing Bad Luck

I always feel awkward about writing personal stuff on my blog. Ok, I write personal stuff about my grandmother or my love for my son. Sweet personal stuff, but not crappy -- this-is-the-shit-that-happened-today - personal stuff. Because, believe me, I know you guys have that crappy stuff going on and don't need anymore. You know how bad stuff, bad luck, bad things, come in 3's or 7's? I know as a teenager, when I worked at the nursing home, deaths would come in 3's or 7's. That is just the way it was, and we all knew it.

Since Halloween, I have been experiencing the 3's or 7's (is now moving into the teens). When my vacuum cleaner broke on Thanksgiving Day, I thought that was 7. Then the dishwasher went out , was that 8?. The leaky roof, the wall destroyed, my back door disintegrating from rain. ($9,000 for roof repair, $2,400 for a new door). Then many other things happened, some small and some HUGE ... and yes, God, Higher Being, I am keeping count. So my husband had surgery on three vertebrae in his neck and not having a smooth recovery on that. I was thinking now I am at 9 or 10? I have had a very stressful time at work and I was counting that into my block of 3 or 7 bad experiences. But my exhaustion was making my mind play tricks and I keep thinking my counting is off. 3? 5? 7? 11?

Today I talked mom into going Christmas shopping at the mall. I have taken off a couple of extra days because I am so behind on my seasonal shopping. She does not shop but I told her I really needed to "get-into-the-spirit" and she went along with me. She has been going through some very personal stress (which she does not deal with at all!) and having outward physical signs from that ... but agreed to go. So we are driving to my favorite shopping locale, when I look over and see her, pale, sweating, pupils dilated, having cold sweats. I turned the car around and headed to the emergency room where we just spent the last 6 hours. Blood test, x-rays, etc. I faced that fear I have had since I was a small child -- my mother dying. Seeing her lay there in a hospital gown, my scared child was really scared and nothing else matters when you are in that state of mind.

The great news is, I think it is only my mom's anxiety making her ill at the moment and her basic health seems to be fine.

With the extra couple of days I have taken off work to get caught up for the holidays - I have been working on my Christmas card. The most fun I have all year long. So I ran home from the emergency room to work on the cards. Not to go into too many details ... well, maybe I have to to make it understandable. I shot lots of photos to make a small book (O, Christmas tree). When I tried to put it together I realized it wasn't working , but then found 13 in x 19 in film that D had bought me some years back. The cd drawer in the computer I use all the time is broken (for many months ... kids pushed it in) so I saved all the work to the LeCie external and tried to burn a cd from another computer, so I could take the files to my other much older computer downstairs where I can print the 13 in x 19 in ...oh crap, this is not making any sense. The bottom line of this is ... I accidentally trashed and erased all the files for my Christmas card ... so is there the 9th or 10th? 11? 12? I don't know, but I am trying not to take any of it personally. Instead, think of some other idea I can do for my Christmas card that doesn't require to much work, or maybe a New Year's card.

What is that saying about God does not give you more than you can handle. I have kept that in my mind in years past, when my life seemed like more chaos and heartbreak than one person could take. And I am keeping it in mind this very minute. When I want to cry, scream, throw a little tantrum but telling myself it will all be okay.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

feel free to tantrum. you have a lot on your plate and you are keeping in together, but sometimes you do just need to let go! my thoughts are with you. Let the counting stop now and I wish happy holidays for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear that you've been having such a run of bad luck. I hope that it ends soon!

Happy holidys to you and yours.

Anonymous said...

What a terrible run of bad luck, Kim. I well understand that anxiety and stress can become physical symptoms and hope the underlying cause of your mother's illness resolves itself soon!

Anonymous said...

Right about now is when I would be sitting on my closet floor screaming into a pillow until I feel like I'm going to pass out. I am sorry you're having to deal with all this! Yuck. You, know, I hear New Year's cards are becoming all the rage...that's right, the rage (at least in my mind anyway ;)). I'm sending you guys healthy, good luck thoughts and big hugs! Hang in there.

Ulla said...

I TOTALLY know how you feel, bad luck and all, thank goodness things seem to be on the mend... Life has a way of 'raining' experience on us, when we lest expect it, or want it. May the rest of the season be peaceful and calm for you and yours...

The Linda said...

Oh Kimmy... I'm sooo sorry to read of all you've been going through lately. You are certainly getting your share. I only wish I could shoulder some of it for you and let you feel some solid hours of unmitigated peace. It WILL all turn out OK. I know you know that and perhaps it sounds cliche, but it will. Hang in there. Sending you AND your family a big ole wide hug to wrap you all in. :-)

jenny b harris said...

The experience with your Mom (I was there last January) is what amplifies everything else to beyond beyond. The shock of that fear shakes one's foundation to the core. It sounds like you take on so much responsibility, and everyone relies on your strength. Please try to take care of yourself and call on the support of those around you. And I think you're allowed to have a tantrum and be frustrated with God!

Anonymous said...

((((((( hug ))))))

jill said...

Tantrums are fun. I say go for it. It just seems extra sucky when all the stresses come at once AND at Christmas time. Why, Why?

Hang in there and whatever you come up with Card wise will be a treat for all recipients.

Prayers go out to your mom and family... Hang in there!!

Tammy said...

First -- stop thinking of things happening in 3s or 7s -- you're going to have to start grouping them by TYPE of disaster. hee hee. I think every one of us who have read your entry feel empathy and are sending a collective hug out to you. Just remember it WILL get better.

I fell down the stairs yesterday and dislocated my shoulder...then my SO got sick... is that 2? :)

Keep your chin up -- IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY!

kelly said...

two winters ago, we had the same damn luck. they call us the
schleprocks. you know the family on the flintstones that walked around with storm clouds over their heads. yeah, not fun. and hell throw a tantrum and then breath deep!

Anonymous said...

When I am scared a gratitude list always brings me back to center.

Kate I said...

Kim, I'm so glad you told us all about the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time you've been having recently. You're far from being a whiner, and we've all been there! I do so hope that the things are on the upswing for you soon...and remember that we're sending you virtual hugs.
...and for the good news...I love your blog, You have such a keen eye for beauty and the talent and whimsey that shines through your work, keeps me popping in almost daily. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Anonymous said...

One year I had a little breakdown/tantrum just before Christmas, having something to do with printing Christmas cards. It was the proverbial straw. Now I send Valentines instead. New design possibilities, boring month of February and I have that stack of Christmas cards from family and friends that I can respond to with a little note. It works for me.

I hope your mother is OK. I love her sweet, beautiful face that shows up on your blog periodically.

♥ joleen ♥ said...

OH man! Hugs to you!!

chronicler said...

Oh silly me! Here I am stress ing over getting the family here in this small place all at once and come here to read you are in dire straits!

My good blessings coming your way! For all you do to lift my spirits, I hope my good thoughts and thoseof others will help push away the bad and welcome some good things. Thank goodness for the new year!

I say go for the new years card. Christmas cards get all bunched up together and a new years card will be well received.

Now go on and hug everyone real tight and know we all think you're great. :-)

Jane said...

Oh my...
Well- you are far from alone- I am are reading and sending you love and thoughts.

This past weekend I got a very huge shock when I went home to see my parents and found out that my mother is very sick- and that they just didn't want me to know- or worry... They are both 71 yrs old now- and it is hard NOT to worry.

This has turned into "one of those" years it seems. It has been filled with UPs and downs. As my grandmother would say- Next year will be better!

I know it will!

So I send you some well needed tranquility for the rest of this season. My thoughts are with you.

I will keep reading and enjoying your posts...

Much love-
XoxoxoX
Jane

Joanne S said...

You COULD try to see the bright side.

Mom/ER- now you know it's nothing really terrible.

Husband/surgery: He'll be feeling better in 2007

House= now the roof and walls are in excellent condition

Christmas card erasure= no need to send them. make a new year card.

Feel free to come over and slap me :)!!!!

Visual-Voice said...

I'm sending you this really HUGE virtual hug. I'm so very glad it sounds like your mother is okay. whew! (My month and your month should start dating. They have a number of things in common. Maybe they'll hit it off, elope, run away and never be seen or heard of again?)

:)

Be tender with yourself. You deserve your love more than anyone else at the moment.