Casting bad joojoo on a jerk

I had a trump voodoo doll years ago and gave it to the dog to chew up. I think I am going to make a new one to get me through the coming years. I am finding it hard not to be an angry white woman. So I have been avoiding people. 

My biological dad died the other day. We never did have a proper father/daughter relationship. I didn't know him and I didn't really wish to know him. He was never a prominent figure in my life and I was never upset about that, except when my step-mother would accuse me of being disloyal to him. BTW, I adored my step-mother, although we had our ups and downs, at least we talked to each other, debated and fought with each other but we had a relationship! 

My parents divorced when I was a baby and my father remarried and had his own family. I never felt neglected or left-out, I was just not a part of that family. I was in great relationships with my paternal grandparents and that made up for any lack of fatherly love I might have had. I have been speaking a lot to my half-brother the last couple of days. He also had a contentious relationship with his dad and is really feeling his loss right now. I quit speaking with my father and sister during trump's first disastrous term in office, and I preferred to leave it like that. I guess it boils down to feeling a loss of having my final parent pass, all of those generations gone. My generation is the next to pass. Life goes on.

 

Udomsak Krisanamis practice has long been characterised by his specific use of collage, creating obsessive pattern made from newspaper, noodles, cellophane and paint. Over the past two decades Krisanamis’ work has maintained a distinct formal and conceptual clarity, offering a unique experimentation with the well-worn territories of grid.

Paint-by-numbers abstractions

I finally got Covid. I had dinner with friends, who also had invited some other friends ... and we all got Covid. I shared mine with Matt. So far, everyone else has been Covid-free. 

I am out of F words. I am speechless of what we just witnessed in the oval office. Putin must be drinking vodka straight from the bottle as he high-fives donald and his clown show. 

We are now isolated. Without friends. I fear a big economic collapse coming out way when these 1,000's of unemployed workers start trying to survive on unemployment  while trying to find new employment, if they can. Crypto currency push by trump is scaring me. I mean, crypto currency is a money-laundering scheme! There are so many signs. Signs that we have seen coming for years if we kept going down this stupid-self-destruck-maga-path. 

Anyway, enuf said. There is honestly not much else to say about our state of affairs at the moment. 

I slept away Covid and now I am back on dish-duty. 

Hope everyone is doing okay in these crazy times. 

Lui Ferreyra work is wonderful. Fractal abstractions of reality. And his Instagram.  

“When I was a child my dad showed me one of those graphics made up of a bunch of dots that are supposed to determine whether you’re color blind or not. At first, I didn’t see anything and I thought he was kidding around, but after a focused effort, I discovered a hidden number that emerged out of the jumbled mess of dots. Once I saw it I couldn’t unsee it. It seemed like magic to me. I think that was probably when I fell in love with the notion of deconstructing the visual field. It showed me, way back then, that an image didn’t need to be photo-realistic– that you could represent an image partially and the viewer’s mind could finish the rest.”

My raging is off the charts

Well, it has been an eventful couple of weeks! I am trying my best to keep my head above water and not drown in depression or anger. I swear every morning I am going to clean house and not pay attention to our country being destroyed BUT it only takes one news report and I am OFF on my raging! I have a silent cry every morning for the destruction of our country.

Let's don't forget that frumpty dumpty accused Ukraine of starting the war with russian, YESTERDAY. Hope you didn't miss that little press conference of nonsense.

This morning Kash Patel was confirmed after he LIED throughout his confirmation hearing. He actually said he did not have a "hit list" ... when it is written right there in HIS BOOK. Government Gangsters, and let's not forget his children's book, The Plot Against the King (oh, how precious, he also offers an "activity book".

 

On some fronts I feel incredibly lucky. To have the kids here, even though we live in a dog-hair-mess, kid shoe mess ... I am coming to terms that my life is going to be messy. Meanwhile, Matt makes great meals every night. Last night was a "deconstructed pot roast". Which meant, all the vegetables were perfect. The kids didn't have to pick out the mushrooms. You could pick and choose all of the ingredients you wanted. I took the kids shopping the other day for stuff to make necklaces with and I ended up buying "gourd shaped safety pins" just because I had to have them.

I know I have older friends who are totally alone. Their friends have died and their kids have no interest in visiting. Yes, I have enticed them here with the promise that they will have the house ;) but they would have had that anyway. But I know I will have someone help me to the bathroom when the time comes. Or be with me when I pass. I have had great moments building a relationship with the grandkids, and hope they will remember me kindly. I friend of mine is helping her friend, who has NO family and is entering into early ALZHEIMER. She helped her sell her house, get into an independent living situation, is trying to get her end of life papers signed by lawyers, looking into assisted living. All of this while reminding her to take her medication and get her to her doctors appointment. Not an easy task, and a lot of work for someone who isn't a family member. So when I hear her stories, I feel very grateful. Thinking of the end of life stuff can be exhausting but not depressing for me anymore. With the politic mess we are in, I am rooting for the asteroid.

 

I was thinking how I need to call my wonderful neighbor yesterday! I was saying this out loud to Mason and explaining to Mason that anyone who is not  at the level of outrage that I am, I just don't want to expose them to that anger. And as soon as we got home, Meaghan called! To say I have not talked to you in awhile, just checking in! Isn't that something?

Speaking of level of outrage ... I friend called the other day out of the blue. We really haven't spoken much since 2016 trump. He and I worked with a guy who ended up being a crazy trump supporter and he would not say that that was all crazy. You know, anyone who thinks trump is okay, is not on my christmas list. I would rather not have them in my orbit AT ALL. So anyway, he called to check in and said "the minute trump won, I thought about you". I don't know why that bothered me so much but then I realized. If he didn't say "the minute trump won, I became afraid for our democracy" would have been a better response. I think, if that was not your first and foremost thought, then you probably voted for trump. This is the art that our old friend did that sent me off the deep end.

 

But my anger is starting to run so deep. My old friends, friend who I thought would have been stunned about what is going on, remain silent is so confusing to me. I am really trying to get passed that but it is getting harder with more destruction that is going on. I don't expect everyone, friends or family to be as upset as I am but at least be concerned! My kids understand but I don't demand that they rage with me. They just shake their heads in a agreement and carry on. ;)

 

I really love Walton Goggin's home! All the old wood is so inviting! Well, and he is a a great actor too.

 

 

 

  

 

I have a movie recommendation. A sweet, gentle movie, I found myself tearing up. The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry. I think I watched it on Hulu. Far from the serial killers series that I have been watching.

 

 

 

I love the simplicity of Elena Ray's art.

 

 

I can't explain my fascination with cactus! I just LOVE them.