Foray into my future

I am waiting for the "newly unemployed" seminar to begin, a perk from my "you're laid off" package. Reading through LinkedIn jobs and saw this piece by Mika Brzezinski on "How I'm dealing with the stress of these extraordinary times". I guess no matter what your station in life, we are all trying to deal with this new reality. I do more dishes than I would like to, at least two loads a day. The kitchen floor just stays dirty, needing vacuuming almost everyday and I opt for once a week (not a floor you can walk barefooted on, if you know what I mean). We consider what we are having for dinner with more energy and reverence than ever before. We also bake more, brownies, cakes and cheesecakes ... to reward ourselves for not leaving the house? We spend more money on groceries but there are 6 of us here and I feel justified in the expense. I watch lots of foreign, subtitled, Swedish and Finnish mysteries.

I know my house is noisier than most. We usually have a least 2 TVs going, two kids screaming, David and I yelling at the news, 3 dogs barking. I went to a neighbors and her house was completely silent ... and I thought ... what a difference. Could I handle the silence after years of chaos?

I used to say, I feel so lucky, I still have my job and now that is gone. Unfortunately, I have too much of my identity wrapped up in "a job". I am aware of that. But at 64, I am pretty sure getting hired again, except for a sales clerk or Costco sample person ... might be very difficult. I am trying to be realistic. It is too soon to retire and too old to get hired. That is a conundrum. 

I am considering something on my own. Painting or building something? More sculptures or fltr skulls? I can tell that this is the right direction because I get giddy and light-headed at the thought of it. I just need to get through my initial fear of being unemployed, uninsured and figure out my best path for now.

Then there is the reality of the pandemic and the politicizing of wearing a mask. We have a president that is a psychopath and it is so depressing that 30% of Americans don't see that. I don't understand it all, mind-boggling! The fear of contracting COVID-19, which I have nightmares about all the time and question the kids at length about where they went, how many people were there, did they wash their hands. In other words, they are all getting sick of me. But seriously, David and I have enough health issues that we will not survive it and I do not plan on ending up on a ventilator and alone in ICU. Dark times we are living in, where you call to check on your cremation plan and see how much you still owe.

My seminar complete, they will help me update my resume and cover letters. Have a look at my LinkedIn and help me write an announcement of looking for work, which I sort of already have. See previous blog entry ;) One on one coaching. Looking over my social media (oops, wait until they see my Facebook). I know they going to tell me to stop the Trump Facebook post and tweeting ... but I am not going to do it. And I will not dye my hair brown.

I have decided I am going to write more letters in the next two weeks. I loved writing letters and have not done in ages. Did you see that post where residence of nursing homes were asking for pen pals? I just think this is such a great idea. And write my M-I-L a nice, long letter.