Monday, April 21, 2008

A Quiet Moment

I took a moment to visit the backyard while the sun was shining. Cleaning dog poop is always my main concern out there. It was nice to a quiet moment and listen to the birds, smell really fresh air and be in a place for the moment that my life makes sense. Where I am not feeling so badly about myself that I want to go hide under a bed, where my eyes aren't burning from wanting to cry, from trying to do what I think is right, enrolling in classes to learn something new, try to keep up with all the new technology and thinking I am picking some of it up until I need help ... then being made to feel like a complete idiot. I feel like I do not have champion ... that I am walking on a razor's edge alone. I guess I have always felt alone, but right now, I can hear the echo of my own breathing. I feel worthless, tiny and insignificant.

daffies

9 comments:

liz elayne lamoreux said...

i am glad you that moment where things made sense. we have to notice those moments as sometimes it can seem like we seldom have them...
in this moment, i want you to know that you are not worthless. you are not tiny. you are not insignificant.
you are not alone.

sending you peace and blessings tonight. and i am sending you a huge hug...

Kim Carney said...

thank you darling Liz! xoxoxo

Syd said...

Self talk is pretty powerful. For example, I only know you through your blog but I know that there are things you do quite well that have nothing to do with dog poop -- like photographing flowers for example. I'm sorry you are feeling blue. I get that way at times, also. But I hope I can impart some truth here and tell you that you aren't insignificant despite your current feeling.

jill said...

"this too shall pass..." thinking of you feeling that way, really bums me out!! NOT YOU!! You have so many gifts and each time I play in your sandbox I am treated to a gift!! Your blog is like a fun place to be, just like I imagine you're a fun lady to be around!

Feel better soon...

Amy said...

I hate that you're feeling this way right now! I hate that someone is making you feel like an idiot...that's a poor teacher for sure. And just for the record, you ARE valuable and significant and talented and I could go on and I only know you from your words and kindness! Sending you big hugs :).

S'mee said...

This is not good. This will not do! I'm not sure who or why anyone would ever want to make you (of all people) feel sad or alone. Oh my heck! Seriously.

Kim, although we have never met; although we may never chat in real time, you need to know that if I never plugged into the computer again, you -YOU- have impacted my ideas, my creative side, my efforts to do better, be more, enjoy the moment, see the flowers, and just be. Raising hand in the back of the room to say I am different because I have read your words and seen through your eyes.

Everyone feels poopy at times, I get that, I just wish for your 'time' to go swiftly, as you, my dear, have gifts that cannot me measured by computers or teachers or small minds. You have art and talent, eyes that see invisible worlds, a heart that beats for humanity's best, and hands that serve willingly.

Who can beat that?

Kim Carney said...

gosh you wonderful guys!!!!

I got up at 330a to go to work and came home to an immediate nap. ;)

Thank you all for reminding "this too shall pass". when I came home mom gave me a big "talking to" about just that. I feel better today. I just hate it when some event (or continuing event) have such an impact on me. I should know not to let it get me down. And thanks to you all ... I am much "up"

THANK YOu. XOXOXOXOXOXOOXX

Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

oh beautiful friend this made my heart ache...if i could i would totally fly to seattle this weekend just to spend time with you...just to sit with you in your backyard and talk...or not talk...just to huge you...because you are fabulous, full of spirit, love, generosity, and creativity...and because i want you to know you aren't alone...and that i love you a lot...

i'm going to call you tonight to check on you....

wilsonian said...

When I come to your space here, I feel like you are an advocate for me... reminding me of what I might become, of what I might see if I'd only pause long enough to look around.

Thank you :)