I have always remembered these scenes from movies. Always thought it looked good, but boring. Weren’t they bored just sitting there having their nervous breakdown or medical threat?
Today I had my own version of that scene, albeit, dirty pajama bottoms with a mismatched soup-stained T-shirt. Gingerly, I made my way downstairs. Visit fall hydrangeas, plump, ripe grapes make the backyard smell like grape jelly. See a few potted plants that need to be planted.
Pulled up a reclining lawn chair to greet a shy September afternoon sun. (I take note of how different the September sunlight is). Eyes closed, listening to birds, exploring patterns on fabric on chair cushion, watching flies, catch a cloud skipping across the sky, hearing cars full of parents rushing home to cook dinner, take kids to practice. Just sit there. With nothing particular in my head except to soak up a couple of minutes of sunlight. A nap here, a spot of peppermint tea there, a movie, sleep, trying to remember medications, showers, fevers.
It feels queer to have a your life halted. I have never really experienced this before. Tonsils out at 5, birth of my son, age 36. That was hardly a night at the hospital then we were off to be parents. I have a terrible eye injury once and my way to will myself not to be hurt or sick was to run home from the hospital and mow the yard with 60 stitches in my face.
I have lost track of time. I was very ill, then a blur of needles, IV’s and white sheets, now home and a blur of eating, sleeping, medicating, feeling sore, vulnerable, human. Not in charge. Not thinking of anything but how to fill my next 30 minutes and make myself feel whole and good. My life coming to a halt.
Thank you all so very much for your sweet and kind thoughts to my speedy recovery!
p.s. Does anyone know just what is going on with Hotmail these days? I am changing my email for now until I can figure that out.